H'ok. So, it's that special time of the week where I regale my loyal readers with the scantily clad starlet who has captured my fleeting attention for the next seven days. You know what that means. It's time to play Scott's Big Damn Crush o' the Week. Next week we'll play the "less overt references to canceled television shows" game.
Anyway time to get down to brass tacks with the deets:
Name: Jessica Alba
You know her from: Sin City, where she was the worst stripper of all time (in the sense that she removes no clothing) and also the most memorable (because you didn't even notice that until the forth viewing). She's made a few other notable appearenes such as the lead in Dark Angel, some random chick in Camp Nowhere, and a girl to be lusted after in Idle Hands. Though technically that's the role she always plays.
Charm Bonus: There really isn't one. Sorry. Purely physical attraction this week. I'm fairly sure she doesn't have any other qualities. At the big character creation screen in the sky she poured all her points into looks. At some point she was given the +2 Necklace of Acting and a career was born.
Scott Bonus: This section is to be used for my extended commentary on the lady in question. In the case of J. Alb. I have to wonder what ethnicity she is. Not that I really care. I'd just like to know. Maybe I can get her to take the ACT again and sit next to her to see what she puts on that section. Because we need to make more of her. I suspect she's some lovely mix of races. Because when that happens you always get a good looking kid. It's like our genes are showing off. Each brings their A game to the table.
There are alot of good looking multi-racial people out there. Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Vin Diesel, Tiger Woods, The Rock, Keanu Reeves... I should really look up some more female examples. Umm... Kristin Kreuk. And I love her boobs. And women!
My point is that the races should continue banging. It seems to be working out.
(But really, what the hell is Jessica?)
- Scott
Monday, April 03, 2006
Crush Test Dummies
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She also had a reoccuring role for a while on that classic Nick tween show, The Secret World of Alex Mack. Damn, that show made no sense whatsoever. Curry powder made her levitate? WTF?
ReplyDeleteIt made her super strong, tool. Get your facts straight! Especially those concerning Larisa Oleynik.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, it was ridiculous.
- Scott
Gee...I can only hope that someday I can be as famous an actress as Jessica Alba...and then I can have my ethnicity pondered about in Bufford the Wonder Blog. That's what I'm aspiring to in my career....really...it is...
ReplyDelete:)
ahem... what follows is a quick summary of Jessica's childhood, stolen entirely from wikipedia.
ReplyDeleteAlba was born in Pomona, California to Mark Alba and Cathy Jensen. Her father is a Mexican American, while her maternal grandfather was of Danish descent and her Canadian maternal grandmother was of French, Irish and Italian descent. Alba was raised in an Air Force family, living with her heavily Catholic parents, her brother Joshua, and her grandparents until she was sixteen. She grew up a sports fanatic. Her father's Air Force career took the family to Biloxi, Mississippi, and Del Rio, Texas, before they settled back in California when she was nine. Alba's early life had been marked by a multitude of physical maladies, as she suffered collapsed lungs twice, had pneumonia 4-5 times a year, a burst appendix, a cyst on her tonsils, and asthma. This served to isolate her from other children at school because, as she claims, she was in the hospital so often that no one knew her well enough to befriend her. She also revealed on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno that she suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder as a child. Her health improved, however, when her family moved to California.
So there we go. We can rest easily. I really don't care about much besides the fact she's really hot. But I would have to say I like Kristin Kreuk better. I'd have to say you made a good choice this week though. Kudos to you Gresham.
you know, i'm starting to get really uncomfortable with all of this. You officially know more about Jessica Alba's life than you do mine. Maybe you should just make her your facebook wife.
ReplyDeleteKeri