Soylent faux pas

Enough of that frivolity. Though if you haven't seen it feel free to take a look at the mini-story arc of Scott "The Pimp Hand" Gresham below. I want to talk about something more serious. Much more serious. I want to talk about people. Specifically eating them.

A few weeks ago, Molly and I were driving back from a Gentleman Auction House show we saw in St. Louis. As is usually the case in our conversations, eventually I said something completely innocent and normal, and she freaked out. I believe I said "Do you ever wonder what people tastes like?" To which she replied "What?" I simply elaborated, "I just wonder what a person might taste like. Like cooked up. Not that I particularly want to eat people, it's just that I wonder how they'd taste. I've heard the meat is kind of gamey."

At this point she became very serious and told me to "Never say that to anyone ever again." And completely freaking out like I was going to get taken away for even suggesting it. As if they could be listening right now, and I'd put both of our lives in jeopardy.

But damn it, I'm curious.

The other thing is, if I were eating people, I'd do it in the manner stereotypical of their homelands. For instance, my Asian neighbor? I'm thinking I'd do some teriaki stirfry and spring rolls. If the guy was German, maybe I'd make some bratwurst and sauerkraut. If he was Canadian? I don't know. I'd eat him while watching hockey I guess. From Kenya? While infomercials would promise me I'd get to eat him if I could just spare a few cents, I would never find out if I actually did or not.

I feel I've made my case. Am I right or what? Causal mentions of cannibalism are the height of civilized post-concert conversation. But I'm willing to hear other points of view. Let me know.

- Scott