Ok Tim, you wanted to know what beef I had with the Eragon movie. So I'm going to lay it out point by point as I watch the trailer. It's times like this that having two monitors really works out. Because other than this kind of thing, it's really just so I can brag about having two monitors. Anyway here we go:
Complaints:
- Gedwey Ignasia on his hand: looks dumb.
- The voice over guy: they got the cheapest one of the five. Even the Disney voice over guy gets paid better than this tool. His voice isn't anywhere near graveley enough to be a great movie trailer voice over artist.
- What the voice over guy (VOG) is saying. All of it. Starting with "In 2006, get ready for an adventure beyond anything the world has ever known." Sentences like that make me want to hurt someone (specifically the writer who penned it, but also the VOG, and hell... even a key grip). Is it really beyond anything the world has ever known? Yes. For those parts of the world who have forgotten Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Wheel of Time series, and liberal doses of Star Wars.
- Next, "Fox has..." that's all you needed to say to lose me.
- Director's commentary: "These days there's a great appetite for fantasy. There have been a number of series as of late that have prepared the audience to take those journies." Translation: Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings made money. If we make something pretty much like that, maybe no one will notice it's different. (Which they might not, they're very similar.)
- Ed Speleers: Does not look like Eragon. That is all.
- Joss Stone: First of all she was called a "sensation." Anytime someone uses the term "sensation" I cringe. Only the biggest tools say "sensation." It's one of those words I can't stand. Secondly, Joss Stone? Doubya Tee Eff, mates?
- That said, might be alright. But I'm worried.
From what I can remember of our conversations, you hit all the highlights. You did forget to loathe the director for several reasons - but primarily for the line where he says "Oh, I've not seen this before." And you failed to hate on the writers for "A project this unique..." which was just laughable. Also, the description of Ed Speleers as a young man born to play Eragon made me throw up just a little bit in my mouth...actually, I just wanted to complain about it too...I'm not really trying to correct you. Not really.
ReplyDeleteI lied, you totally covered the 'project this unique' and the ed speleers thing. My bad.
ReplyDeleteWell dear, it should be noted that I am horribly, horribly sick. I haven't been able to get out of bed for longer than a bathroom run today. In fact, it took me several hours to write this post. By the end of it I couldn't remember what I'd written at the beginning, but I didn't have the energy to go back and look. I got it done though. Thank God for laptops. And hot toddy's.
ReplyDelete- Scott
P.S. I got a new phone people. My old one is all kindsa dead. So don't expect to be able to get ahold of me on it for awhil... ever. When I can manipulate the new one well enough to call you all, I will. Until then, I'm incommunicado.
- Scott
Shit. Double sig.
ReplyDeleteI told you I'm sick.
(none here, I'm balancing things out)
I was thinking about you. Hope you feel better soon! I will inquire of you tomorrow. Sorry to hear about the demise of your phone - that's a blasted inconvenience and no mistake. Did your number change then? Very crafty. Or do I already have the new one? Questions questions. Don't answer them. Go to sleep. I hear that's good for someone in your 'condition'. (suffering the plague o' the pimps and hos)
ReplyDeleteQuestion....
ReplyDeleteSomething that has always bothered me.
What the hell is a grip?
Oh! Hey! Second Question:
ReplyDeleteWhere's a link to this trailer at?
yay for a question i can answer!!!GRIPS: Members of crew dealing with equipment, dolly track and other physical movement of equipment...so there ya go! as for the comments about said trailer...how bummed am i!! when i heard they were making the movie...excited...but now i am nauseated by the thought of how much they thoroughly screwed it up. you mnetioned casting error...one o fmy BIGGEST pet peeves...boo hiss!
ReplyDeleteoh and scott...feel better :)
Oooh, still sick. Must make fun of grips...
ReplyDeleteI've long held the theory that grip is a fluff title. Ever since Crow made fun of it in the credits to the MST3K movie. "Apparently anyone who picked something up at any point is a grip."
I also like to think a Key Grip is someone who transports a keytar from set to set.
A Dolly Grip moves genetically engineered sheep, who in turn pull the camera dolly.
Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Go Joe*!
- Scott
* Joe is a P.A. and he has to go get someone important some coffee.
That's actually true. I've worked as a grip for productions, and generally it's just a title that means you get paid the least of everyone on the crew (second only to PA's) and have to do whatever they tell you to. Usually that involves following a camera op, coiling cable, or holding a parabolic mic.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, working as a grip still usually pays around 25/hour. So. Yeah. Still beats most college jobs.
Keri
P.S. The link to the trailer is number three on my bottom five.
ReplyDelete