The name for those ideas is the reason for this post. And that name is Avery. And Tim is currently about to open a vein on me for thinking thoughts reguarding any of it. I find this very limiting. On the one hand, Tim is a good friend. I like him, he's funny, and he's tall. So he can see things comming a long way off. Like stampedes, or a posse. Or other things you might encounter in the Old West. He's great for that. But on the other hand, Avery, she's hot. Plus she's kind of exotic. And only slightly underaged!
Compairing alcoholic activities I found that she makes her own Absinthe, which almost trumps even those people who have at some point in their lives made moonshine. How cool is that? In fact, I think I'll sing: (it helps if you play my background track, which happens to be Across the Sea, by Weezer)
Avery is a 17 year old girl who live in small city of
She saw me at the hitchin
About four days ago and you’re itchin to know
All about me
And my hobbies
My favorite booze and my birthplace.
Why are so far away from me?
I'm good for you, and why can't Tim just see?
I could never touch you, Tim thinks it would be wrong
I’ve got your first name,
You’ve got my blog.
They don’t make women like this where I’m from – so fragile, so refined
So I flirt
And I drool
When I see you and fall to little pieces everytime
I wonder what things you do at home
I hope you don't drink absinthe alone
I wonder how you dress yourself
And curse myself for not living in the D
Ok, I'm done. That's it for the Avery schtick. That is until I see her again. At which point all bets are off. But until then, I lay it down. Just like I'm going to... Damn it, NO! That's it I swear. Until someone else brings her up, I'm done. I hope you're happy.
- Scott
I don't care if you're done, you're still going to die.
ReplyDeleteI would never lust after your relatives, Tim.
ReplyDeleteI think you have a unique perspective on that one Jake. I mean you have sizzlin' hot TRIPLET cousins. THERE'S THREE OF THEM THAT LOOK THE SAME THAT ARE HOT. That's one in a billion baby, if you're immune to that, then there's no expanse of the mind the will cannot traverse.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention Dawn (of old). I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, you just have that many hot relatives.
- Scott
Yeah, you forgot about Jake's Hotty-Hot SISTER!!! *Growl*
ReplyDeleteRob's clearly never met my sister. Better luck next time, old man.
ReplyDeleteI was going to add "We may be tan, but I don't think she's quite dark enough for you" but that would be really awful and I'd feel bad.
ReplyDeleteJake, I hope you die in a fire. But not just that, I want to be there to see your face twisted in complete and utter agony. That way I'll have the expression permenantly fixed in my mind as my last solid memory of you, and I'll know that it'll be the same expression on your face for the rest of my living days, seeing that you'll be burning in the fires of hell in much the same way. Then in years to come, everytime I see a flame, a smile will cross my lips, and it'll be because I'm thinking of you. Hate you Jacob... Hate you.
ReplyDelete(Insult above copyrighted 2005 by Rob French. What you have witnessed is the first usage of said insult and you should all consider yourselves lucky.)
ReplyDeleteYou know, it's kind of scary how often Rob says shit like that. In fact, remind me to never piss him off. Ever.
ReplyDelete- Scott
P.S. That was a pretty hilarious burn though Jake.