Hey, I'm glad you all enjoyed my stories of pranks and Starlets. Since they went over like Olestra Chips at a Jenny Craig clinic, I think I'll just keep on keepin' on. I'll chalk it up to half of my constituants being on spring break.
Back to the headline. Yes, you read that right. Despite my rugged good looks, my Bond-esque style of emotional detachment, and my complete lack of anything resembling a crushingly painful breakup to bitch about over 5 albums, I wish to be emo. Now you might think that it's because the emo look is trendy, or because if I were emo people might decide that I at least used to have a girlfriend, and that's why I'm such a whiner now, or maybe it's just so I don't feel the knives of fire that shoot out of the poseur Hot Topic girl's eyes when I look around in there. But no, none of these things are the reason.
The real reason is simple: the emo man purse. Normal men have to squeeze their entire lives into a four inch square of leather we call a wallet. Then we have the honor of picking which butt cheek to detract from by putting it in our back pocket(sorry ladies, you'll just have to land me to see them in their natural glory). On top of these pains we then get to sit on it. Now I think men do this to prove our natural efficiency, we can carry everything we could possibly need for the day in one pocket. And women have to carry a bag. Ha! But I think every man has been just a bit jealous of them at some point.
They get to carry purses, nobody looks at them funny when they have a Louie Vuitton bag hanging from their elbow. Purses fluctuate in size more than Oprah and Matthew Perry combined; from the handbag up to the "I-can-hide-a-midget-fighting-a-moutain-lion-in-here" purses. Mary Poppins had one with a wormhole in it. My point is this: Emo guys (like Timmy) get to carry them around with considerable less ass beatings. Even in the south! So after a hard day of sitting on my wallet, my hat goes off to you Emo guys, keep on making it O.K. for men to accessorize.
- Scott
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
I wish I was emo
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Remind me to smack the shit out of you. One reason is because you double posted. But mainly is because you are buying into this emo-culture. Let me say this for the record... Emo Sucks. And Josh and Tim, as much as they really wish they were emo - not emo. Why? 'cause they entirely too happy. and Tim is damn funny. and they're both too smart for that. So they're just kinda Emo-pretendtobes.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I'll have plenty of more reasons to smack you around after I catch up and read all the posts I've been missing while I was representing up in Chi-town, so I'll let you know.
Later
First of all, I DON'T want to be emo. The music generally sucks, and the dress is...well it blurs the line between metrosexual and outright homosexuality. I'm just jealous of the purse. I WANT THE PURSE DAMNIT.
ReplyDelete- Scott
Hey Scott, I'm a faithful reader of your blog, but I'm a
ReplyDeleteTim fan at heart. I come from his blog. Sorry! I do want to point out that Joey on Friends tried the man purse, and if it didn't work for him...
Also, as a physical therapy student, I must point out that there are some health issues associated with carrying half a file cabinet under one butt cheek!! Low back pain here you come!!
Amy
I think you mean Bond-esque. Also, I put my wallet in my front pocket. It makes sitting easier, and is a deterrent from playing pocket pool at inopportune times. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteAmy, let me be the first (unless Tim already did it) to welcome you to my blog. If Tim indeed did it, how dare he?! This is my blog, I get to be the first to welcome people. He can have 2nd. Anyway, thanks for the medical advice. Think you can write me a note? "Dear Society, please excuse Scott from the normal bounds of masculinity in allowing him to carry a purse." It used to get me out of P.E. anyway.
ReplyDeleteJake, in the words of Kelso "I would, but it detracts from my natural bulge." I think we'll leave it at that. Also, it looks like I wrote Bond-esque.
- Scott
It's a messenger bag, bitch. And it's WAY too much emo for an amateur like yourself to handle.
ReplyDeleteCalling it a messenger bag is like calling a hooker an escort. We all know what it is. Like the bi-sexuals, you're only fooling yourself. So what if it's a rectangular, skinny purse, at the end of the day it's still a purse.
ReplyDeleteLet's just look at the 'messenger bag' in it's most indisputable components. Over the shoulder design, bag-like storage, glamourized by buttons? Sounds very purse-like, let's see how Princeton defines a purse: "a bag used for carrying money and small personal items or accessories (especially by women)".
Ignoring the (especially by women) portion of the definition, how does the messenger bag dodge falling into this category? Clearly, it doesn't. I rest my case.
Oh and don't try to dangle the emo-purse over my head like some great goal of emo-sity. I look at emo-sity the way rich people look at pyramid schemes, it's for suckas!
- Scott
UPDATE:
ReplyDeleteNo way, I can't believe it. I just saw an "The Office" preview in which a guy actually defends having a purse. I had suspected that the American version of "The Office" would be good, but that just blows away all expectations. I also like the preview where Steve Carell says 'if you think Sara's good looking now you should have seen her three years ago, what a knock out.' Right in front of 'Sara'.
END OF UPDATE
- Scott
First of all, I'm tremendously sad, at all times, dating back to high school when I started running cross country, which is reason for a lifelong supply of emo. Second, I listen to all the right bands right? That means I'm totally emo. And listen to this, I work in a youth group, i have a rad girlfriend who's awesome all of the time, I messed my knee up playing sports. But, all of this is off-set by the patches on my Dashboard Pouch. I'm emo through and through. Oh yeah, and I play guitar badly.
ReplyDeleteI would like to go ahead and add my two cents...(hi I'm Allyn, by the way)..okay, I like to goad Tim and Josh by calling it a man's purse or satchel. They get really upset and rather defensive...hmm...me thinks thou doth protest too much Timmy?
ReplyDelete