"Riding on the train, riiiiding on the EL train. I don't got no problems no more, no more, no. Riding on the train, cruising on the EL train, I will reach my destination for sure I know."
I have to agree with the lads, on the El it does seem like I've got no problems at all. I don't have to steer, I don't have to talk, I don't have to do a damn thing. It's a lot like mowing, except for the steering issue. Both times to chill out and do some deep thinking. The topic of this weekend's sessions of free thinking? Well they were largely centered around Lauren Sharpe, the beautiful pixie improvisario. I caught her and her team, Otis, at IO on Saturday night in Chi-town after the Video Games Live concert was canceled, the one Tim, the Ryder 'Rents, and myself rushed through dinner to attend, only to arrive to a dark and deserted Chicago Theater. To quote Tim "Life is funny sometimes".
It is, especially to me. This causes problems at funerals, police interrogations, and any time I have to pass through customs. And let's not even get into my SQL class in which the professor often uses the word "query". But for all my laughing at inappropriate times, Lauren Sharpe produced laughter at all the right times, and did it looking hot. Whilst sitting at the bar watching her I couldn't help but think: "This girl is f*&king BEAUTIFUL. And funny. More so than Sarah Silverman, on both counts." Then I laughed that I bothered to censor myself in my own head. Then I thought about how much I hate censorship and interjected the word fuck between all words in my internal monologue for the next few sentences. I stopped only because it was too easy and I could see it developing into a potentially debilitating speech problem.
Anyway, you can imagine how much I freaked out when I, not 20 minutes ago, saw her in a Long John Silvers commercial. I decided that it was a sign. I must now move to Chicago and follow her around until she too is in love with me. I anticipate that this will take no more than two weeks. Tim, if you see her could you give her my card? That way she'll be pre-seduced for when I eventually manage to track her down.
- Scott
P.S. Keri, you get to take that other guy to formal, I get to have unrealistic, shallow crushes. What we have is sooo much better, I promise you have nothing to fear.
P.P.S. Tim, if you find Lauren, don't mention anything about the above P.S. Thanks.
P.P.P.S. Keri, I'm just joking telling Tim that. You're still my favorite.
P.P.P.P.S Tim, seriously though.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Shootyz Groove: wise beyond their spelling.
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It's meant to be ironic that that the picture of Lauren Sharpe is blurry.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I could only find a really tiny one and that's what you get when you blow it up.
- Scott
yeah, you're gonna have to do better than that to convice me that the girl is "beautiful." Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking her, or really even doubting, but you made the claim and then put forth pretty shallow support. NEED BETTER PICTURES!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to say that that's the blown up version of the ONLY picture of her on the internet. If you want to look at the original, check this out. It really doesn't do her justice, you should keep an eye out for that LJS commercial, that casts her in a much better light.
ReplyDelete- Scott
P.S. But not as good as Keri.
I can't believe you actually looked her up. Wow. I'm going to make a concerted effort to befriend her just so I can hold it over your head. Also, she's way funny and wicked hot. But those are merely ancillary benefits.
ReplyDeleteWay funny and wicked hot? Merely ancillary benefits? Pfft! Those are her most obvious and from what I've seen best qualities. Treating them like that is why you will fail. And your nefarious scheme will only bring you more solitude!
ReplyDeleteAlso, "merely ancillary benefits"? Thanks Professor. Sometimes the words... they read like you're a mad scientist.
For both of these reasons your spite based friendship will fail and she will decide you're a horrible person, while at the same time falling in love with me. I've seen it happen tens of times...
- Scott
Pssht. Yeah but is she 6'1"? I doubt it. I could take her. It'd be a good fight.
ReplyDeleteI will take someone else to formal, thanks very much... I might even take TWO guys to formal. How do you like that?
Or I might just go alone. whatever! The point is, I don't need your permission! You're just upset because this open relationship is working out a lot better for me than it is for you.
Keri
I'd size her up to be about 5'1 tops. So you've got a good foot on her. But I would warn you, she's an improviser. She might come up with something.
ReplyDelete- Scott
P.S. I was justifying my extra-pseudo-marital attractions. Not giving you permission. But I grant it now. You have my permission. Now I didn't sign the part about whether or not you could drink, but you're a big girl and I'll let you decide for yourself if that's what kind of life you want to live.
AH! I love that I've finally made it to the top of the list. It's me, too... not just the pseudo marriage. I feel so special. You're the best pseudo-husband ever.
ReplyDeleteKeri
dang scotty your taking over the jchs stalker thing haha good job
ReplyDeleteOK, just repeat what Rob said here . Lauren Sharpe may be beautiful and funny but... more than Sarah Silverman? You have yet to produce any evidence other than your own, admittedly, self-censoring comments. Not exactly proof beyond a reasonable doubt.
ReplyDeletewww.laurensharpe.blogspot.com
ReplyDelete