The Early Adopters

I recently saw something that really took me back while I waited at the train station on my ridiculously delayed train. That something? L.A. Lights. Remember those? The shoes with the light up heel? I do. I used to wear them almost exclusively. I think that phase was somewhere beginning in 2nd grade all the way through 5th. But they didn't make them in bigger sizes for reasons I couldn't imagine. Sure they kind of gave you away when you were depositing a twosie in the school john (which was frowned upon, and by frowned upon I mean you got made fun of, apparently these kids were the target demographic for "Everybody Poops"), but they were a good shoe damn it. Now I've figured out why they didn't catch on in the upper age ranges.

Gangstas. That's right; gangstas. What makes a shoe executive decide to make a shoe is whether or not thug-ass gangstas will buy it. Why wouldn't they? Well it might have something to do with the easy to follow red flashing lights as they run from the crime scene. I mean, at that point, why not just leave a number and address where you can be reached at. Also they couldn't bring themselves to tiptoe to avoid setting off the lights, thus saving the batteries for a while longer, the way I could. But this early adopters policy isn't just for shoes, it's for everything.

For instance: the broadband. Know why we have such lovely high-speed connections readily available to the public? Porn. Guys just needed to get their porn at a more reasonable speed. As much as you can as fast as possible. So much internet traffic was taken up by porn it was deemed nessary to increase the speed at which this traffic can move. And it doesn't end there, bought anything online with a credit card lately? You can thank porn. Seen any schweet animated GIF's? Porn was there. Enjoying that new webcam Rob? Porn.

So what I'm saying here is that if we want things we love to endure, like the internet, shoes, and Arrested Development, we need to get pornographers and gangsta's behind it. I think I'm going to mull that over for awhile and debate whether or not I should just run everything.

- Scott