Hey moron, you can't even read this.

I was recently at the airport getting ready to board a flight. It was a Southwest flight so the usual cattle feeling of flying a commercial jet was amplified 100 fold. They accomplished this through a series of branding, prodding, and forcing us into three gated lines funneling into the same terminal. One girl was standing next to me and looked up to see she was in the B-line instead of the C, where she was supposed to be. She hurried away saying "I'm dyslexic", while I called after her "I think illiterate would be more appropriate!"

This brings me to my topic: Adult illiteracy. A terrible, sad thing. Even their commercials are sad, with children reading simple things to their parents. But there exists one commercial that isn't sad. One that is, in fact, hilarious. This commercial plays on the radio and I hear it every time I tune in to 89.9 WLCA, College Radio's Best. Here is the paraphrasing of this commercial from memory:

Illiterate Woman: Today I read a birthday card. It was funny and sweet like all birthday cards I guess, but this one was special, it said "I love you" and though I had received it many years ago today I read it for the very first time.
Smug Announcer: If you are an adult who has reading difficulty, you are not alone. Go to www.get-an-idea.com and sign up for our adult reading class.

First of all, no one reads birthday cards. You open them, see if money falls out then put them on the mantle. If the person happens to be watching you, then you put on the reading it and laughing ritously over the contrived, painfully obvious punchline inside act, then thank them. What a fantastic new world she's opened for herself. Secondly, the website? THEY CAN'T READ! How the hell are they supposed to get anything out of your site? Is it all in audio? Because if they can't read I doubt they're pulling down the money for a broadband connection. Also, how are they supposed to spell the URL? Speaking of which "get-an-idea"? Haven't they been through enough, do you really have to rub it in? Why not "public-school-educated-trash.net"? Geez.

And they put it on the radio, so you're sure to understand it. It's not like they could afford a TV spot, or it would have much impact in the paper. Because writing jokes about illiterate people is like shouting offending statements at the deaf. Who, incidentally, can read this. To them I say this: I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.

Your thoughts?

- Scott