If you know what the title is referencing, God have mercy on your soul for the clossal amount of time you've spent in quasi-rides at themeparks. Apparently my muscular, if bruised, thigh wasn't the comment generator I had anticipated. But looking back, I can understand why. I mean laying eyes on the thing is like looking into the open Arc of the Covenant. It'll melt your face... with lust. And it's hard to type in that condition. Not to mention the immeadiate need for reconstructive plastic surgery. Just be thankful your entire body didn't melt.
Something that I'm thankful for is Podcasting. Specifically video podcasting, which is where our Crush o' the Week comes from. (What I have to incorporate a gimmick into the title every week?) If you've got a heart that aches, weary from the weight of the world, a soul that can't find its redemption, and a desire for swank tiki bar settings and a lovely woman wiggling around in them, then I have the remedy. Her name is... in the ingredients section.
Name: She's actress Beatrice Fastwater. And children matter to her. But she's also known as Lala. The saucy minx that shimmys in the intro to the "hhwhildly successful, popular, popular podcast known as Tiki Bar TV."
Her Crush Worthy Charms: Besides all of the obvious*, such as her being really hot, or existing in that aether between being just a pretty, grinning, airhead and... well not. The way she plays it hasn't annoyed me yet, as ditsy girls often will. In fact, it's charming as hell! Anyway, besides those things, she represents, according to Wikipedia, "the mythical attractive lush."
And she built the Drinkbot. "An automatic robot, based on science!" To see her grin as she says even the most ridiculous of lines... ah. But I digress. Anyway, she built the Drinkbot, which though it was innocent enough at first, quickly became obsessed with the human concept of love. And as such is clearly the origin of the entire Cylon robotic faction. But Lala is still darling, if you don't believe me watch it for yourself below.
Scott's Gifts of Delicious Lala: Not only can you watch the lithe form of Lala dancing her lascivious lambada of lust, you can also click on the woefully tiny picture of the Tiki Goddess to see a delightfully full sized collage from several episodes. I'm a prince among robots I tell you. Enjoy the movie.
- Scott
* Which I go on to state regardless of having just called them obvious.
She's Pretty... I think you need to open up a Bufford the Wonder Blog Store, where you can sell t-shirts based on your own artwork as well as rent your date of the week. I'll take a Lala and a preorder of Kristin Kreuk. You accept paypal, right?
ReplyDeleteYou have had some pretty great picks for your Crush of the Week. I have refrained from commenting even though I really, really liked a couple of them such as Tricia Helfer.
ReplyDeleteAs for this week, Thank You, for introducing me to beautiful Beatrice Fastwater. I love her smile. It is intoxicating.
....Do you see what I did there...intoxicating....Tiki Bar...anyone?
But, I truly love that smile among her other great qualities. She makes me want to open my own Tiki Bar so I can have my own Lala dancing around.
- Anonymous Rex
Rob. Totally. But way to blow the lid off the store revelation. That was a post in and of itself. It'll be called Scott's T-shirt and Whore Emporium. And you have no idea how hard it is to pimp out Kristin Kreuk. There's like 80 forms to fill out, and she had to get a physical, and I had to get a physical for some reason, and our lawyers had to dance with each other at the full moon...
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you, it was an ordeal. But I've got your pre-order down.
Anonymous Rex, did you know I took your name from a SciFi special? You should read the plot summary it's pretty hilarious.
Excerpt:
"The dinosaurs didn't go completely extinct when the asteroids hit 65 million years ago. Today, every ten thousandth person in the country is a dinosaur, evolved to be human-sized, wearing sophisticated solid-light holographic disguises to maintain the facade"
Anyway, Beatrice Fastwater is a fake name that she (or more likely Dr. Tiki) made up for an episode. Nobody knows her real name, and she has no concept of just how far the Tiki Bar phenomonon has spread. She doesn't even get that she's internet-famous. Which is the nerd's equivalent to ghetto-fabulous.
The show does make you want to build your own 50's style Tiki Bar though. I just don't know where I'd get the lab coat.
- Scott
Note, it's not THE real deal, but it is A real deal. Clearly you shouldn't pass it up.
ReplyDeleteHer real name is Lara Doucette and is from Canada. :)
ReplyDelete