"If Darwin has anything to shout about, the Crushes will survive us all without any doubt."

"The world today seems absolutely crackers,
with nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high,
there's fools and idiots sitting on the triggers,
it's depressing, and its senseless, and that's why...

I like Chinese."

It's true. I do. Besides that whole "they're still commies" bit, it's a lovely country that's contributed alot. The food, the karate, about 5% of the dialog in Firefly, and most importantly, this post's Crush of the Most Honorable Xing Qi. (Which means "week" for the Chinese impaired. And also for those too slow to spot a pattern in my bolded bolded text within this segment.)

Abrupt and harsh transistion to bulleted points in 3... 2.. 1.

Name: Lucy Liu.

Deserving of this honor... why?: I didn't like Lucy Liu. At all. She was loud, bitchy, and far too hard assed to interest me. Like a less hated Michelle Rodriguez. (I'm considering doing anti-crushes on weeks when I'm just not feeling it. And she would be the first on a very long list.) The only parts she ever plays are those of the fem fatale. "I know karate, I'm here to eat with chop sticks and kick ass... and I'm all out of chop sticks." That's her part more or less. Then we're treated to an hour and a half of a 90 pound woman suspended on wires, blatantly disreguarding Newtonian Physics.

And worse, if her character isn't Shaolin trained, we get to hear her deliver alternately aloof or oughtright bitchy lines. Her track record as an assassin, dominatrix (I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up...), and all around hardcore man hating shrew. However, thanks to a delightful little movie called Lucky Number Slevin, if you'll forgive the horrible pun, I changed my mind.

The producers must have been out of their minds. They gave her a role that didn't fit either of the parts Asian women are allowed to portray. They are, of course, as follows:

1.) The Me So Horny!!! Some like to call this one the China Doll, but I prefer this term. If you're the publisher of a scholarly journal, feel free to adopt it. Pretty self explanitory. Submissive, exotic, randy. That's it.

2.) The Dragon Lady. Equally randy, but also deadly. She might play the Me So Horny part, but only so she can kill or maim you.

Instead of these types, she just played a hot girl who lives next door. They didn't even saddle her with the obilgatory Super Asian Name, like three of her previous characters O-Ren Ishii, Jin Ping, and Ling Woo. She was just Lindsey. And she was quirky, and nice, and hot. The way I likes em. So for taking that role, she gets to be the crush of the week.

Scott Bonus:

For future reference,

. .

On the left, Bitchy Lucy. Note the chain and leather pants. Not to mention the "I'm going to kick you in the balls and then say something annoying in the flattest voice imaginable" face.

On the right, "Oh, honey you're so brave. Despite that they broke your nose I'll still sleep with you to make you feel better. By the way, when did you steal Doug Funny's wardrobe?" Clearly the nice version.


- Scott