In Good Company

Tom Selleck, Oprah, John D. Rockefeller Jr, Heather Graham, Johnny Lang, Thomas Paine, William McKinley, and myself. What do we have in common? Well besides varying degress of awesome-ness, with myself at one extreme (the good one), and Jonny "I look like a girl, but play white-blues on my acoustic guitar" Lang at the other, not much. To be fair, we're all pretty influential people... again except for Jonny Lang. But the real cosmic bond we all share is that we're born on the same day in the Age of Aquarius, which dawned in the 70's. It's sometime around brunch at this point.

Anyway, the day: January 29th, such a nice looking date. That's my birthday. And this one was the 21st. Much happened that I could expound on for hours. But I think I'll keep this quick and dirty. The way I likes it. Without further B.S. here is the annotated account of my night:

6:30: Go out to Dos Reales. Heavy Mexican food is always the best when there's a chance you might see it again later. I had a burrito the size of my thigh. Mistake #1. However Stephen made a bigger mistake. The Mexican waiter who was serving us didn't really speak English. He offered Steve his choice of beer sizes that sounded like "Tweeelve ounzez, twendy four ounzez, or sisteen ounzez." So, being reasonable, Steve went with the last option. Sixteen ounces sounded pretty good he thought, right in the middle. Cut to the waiter comming back with a brimming 60 ounce pitcher of Dos Equis and Stephen mustering up the courage to tackle it. It was pretty hilarious and he left fairly buzzed. (I too helped with this... but mostly I let Steve take care of himself.)

Also at the restaurant was Britney, the second girl eliminated from the current season of Beauty and the Geek. I ended up sitting at the table right next to her. A pretty entertaining, yet dumb girl dealing with the 14th of her 15 minutes of fame.

7:25: Some idiot, possibly me, suggested a power hour to start the night.

7:45: Seriously debate the merit of continuing the power hour.

7:46: Throw caution to the wind, the power hour continues. Remark on how good I look.

8:01: See old friend I know from Stevo's frat. Insult him by calling him the wrong name, then Mexican. Recall that he's actually Italian. Mention that he should have a more Italian name than Tony. Finally, drunkenly call him Andy Capp because of the hat he was wearing and demand that he bring me hot fries. Observe Tony's reaction of simply turning around and leaving the room. Remember to send him fan club application.

8:30: Remember that I'm still doing a power hour here and I'm about 10 shots behind.

8:31: Caught back up.

8:53: Join an equally buzzed Stephen in third round of "America, FUCK YEAH!"

9:15: Remember that there's a posh soirée in the basement of a certain residence I was supposed to attend.

9:20: Show up. Have beer. Question sexuality of man drinking Zima.

9:25: Announce to the room that I cannot feel my face. Duck under the arc of the slap aimed at my face by random drunk guy as he slurs: "I caaan feelst it."

9:30 to 11:45: Reply hazy. Ask again later.

11:45: Leave for bars. Note ridiculous lines from all the people out celebrating my birthday.

12:01: Give finger to clouds for raining on me during my long walk to the bar.

12:04: "Holy crap, I'm 21!"

12:05: Begin long drawn out argument with Legends' doorman about whether or not I'm actually 21. His claim is that it's the fiscal day that matters, not whether or not it's 12:00.

12:07: Give finger to Legend's.

12:07 and 30 seconds: Give dollar to the girl I slammed with the door as I was exiting and giving finger to Legend's. On seeing how happy one dollar made her, ponder what I could have gotten for five.

12:23: Arrive at Kam's. Demand and receive the "I'm 21, so now I can buy all my underaged friends a beer" wristband. Explain I was kidding about the underaged thing.

12:24: Buy underaged friend a beer.

Note underaged friend on left. Post hoc beer. Note Stevo and myself post hoct many beers.

12:55: Get asked by skeevy top-three-buttons-open-to-no-undershirt, gold-chain-around-neck, sunglasses-at-night guy if I'm Dee Brown. Let him down gently and explain that it happens all the time.

Before leaving take picture with girl.

1:05: Leave Kams for the Illini Inn. Join the illustrious mug club. In the past three years it has accrued well over 45,000 members. Pretty good for a bar smaller than my living room. I'm number 45570.

Enjoying a brew with #45137

2:01: Leave because of this "last call" garbage. Go upstairs from the Illini Club to Bonnie Jean's and enjoy delicious beer absorbing pizza.

2:05 to 3:45: Compensate for beer absorbed by pizza. Make fun of people and things, dry hair, pass out.

"I have good hair!"

9:00 AM: Wake up in foreign apartment unable to tell time. Panic about brain damage from so much beer possibly destroying my ability to use a wristwatch. Remember I just suck at telling time. Quickly scout out surroundings and discover that I'm at Nathan Rice's apartment. As evidenced by Nathan Rice.

THE END!

Ok not really. I went home to Springfield and received a lovely Adigo gift set of Diggnation Tea and also the backpack for Europe I really wanted. I'll end things with the note that came with the tea set. It's really the sentiment I take away from all of this.

Scott, you are the greatest. We love you far more than your brother. It's true. We wrote this. - Mom and Dad

What a great family I have.

- Scott