Trail of Bastards

I was recently having lunch with two lovely ladies and Nathan Rice, and one of the LL's broached an interesting topic. Near her school is a state park for the Trail of Tears. I was unaware that there were any commerative Trail of Tears tourist attractions. This led me to wonder just what kind of exhibits they might have at this park? Maybe a guided audio tour from the perspective of one of the Indians? "How. My name is Farting Cat. I died near this tree from starvation. Just beyond that turn is a great scenic overlook where a good twenty of my tribe died. Be sure to get a picture. Thank you for comming to the Trail of Tears State Park where my people's suffering is finally expressed. Please stop at the gift shop and make sure to pick out your very own 'I went to the Trail of Tears State Park and all I got was this crappy t-shirt. But at least I didn't die of starvation and cruelty like the thousands of Indians who came here before me.' t-shirt."

It's gotta be like having a gift shop at Auschwitz. What do they sell there? Dustbusters? (Oh my Lord am I sorry, but as I was typing and trying to think of a funny/horrible object that sprang, unbidden, into my head.) It's almost as horrible as the new Greyhound bus tours of the New Orelands debacle. That's right. Now you too can observe half drowned residents from the comfort of a chartered bus. Thought it was only for the president*? Not anymore. Don't care to actually go? No problem. Feel free to play a guitar at the depot while your friends and family check out the destruction.

So, after the relative success of these endeavours, I've decided to capitalize on tragedies of my own. I was thinking of selling glow in the dark clothing and fake Geiger counters at Nagasaki. And maybe some fun things for the kids, like Fat Man shaped firecrackers. Why not? It seems to be the new hawtness.

- Scott

* Though periodic month-long vacations to your "ranch", the ability to blow off work and do whatever the hell you'd like while a team of experts claim that people who point this out are unamerican, that's still just for the president.