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are of the belief that they should be the end-all-be-all of who can and can't buy alcohol.Who am I? I'm just this 21 year old guy who happened to see some delicious Bailey's Irish Cream, vital to a healthy lifestyle, and some equally delicious Leinenkugel's Red Lager, vital to drinking it with steak, at the store. I already had a cartful of items: Cereal, milk, sammich fixin's, propel, salad, some Triscuits, hummus, fish, steak, and other foodstuff's. But I so wanted the Bailey's that I would make room. After some hasty, but loving re-arrangement, the Bailey's was welcomed with open arms into the tight knit family of my grocery... family. Same with the Leiney's.
So having gathered my sustenance from the wilds of the supermarket, I decided to check out. I proudly rode my stallion cart to the front fo the store atop the cross bar above the rear wheels, dismounting I confidently strode to the open cashier and placed the whole mess'a food on the conveyor, Bailey and Leiney up front. The one-step-below-community-college checkout boy looked disinterestedly at the alcohol and droned into the loudspeaker "21 on 4," summoning the almost mythically corpulent I.D. check woman/monster. Her eyes, forced into a perpetual squint by her ever-expanding cheeks, scanned my I.D. This was the moment I had been waiting for, I was triumphant ready to claim my prize. I heard her say "I can't take this I.D."
"What the fu-, why not?!" said I. "It's got a red background, we don't take ones with a red background," intoned the beast through her thick mouth. "So it doesn't matter that it says, on the card, "Under 21 until 1-29-06" today being the 31st?" "No." She took my new quaffable family members away from me and set them down out of reach. The beast seemed to feed on my despair. She left me no other option. If taking my things away and putting them back was her game I would beat her at it.
"Well now, guess what, this is happenin'," I said as I turned and stormed out of the presence of the bloated, beer-stealing, modern day Sedna, leaving all my groceries on the conveyor, and my cart blocking the lane. Take that foul woman!
My quarrel with her is finished, but her vile employer can still expect retribution.
- Scott
Scott-
ReplyDeleteI will NEVER EVER do business at ANY SHOP N SAVE again. I would be happy to make a phone call for you and get this woman relinquished of all of her "21 on 4" duties.
Your cuz-
Twig
I like how you quoted Jack Black in "Anchorman." That's a touch of class that puts your storming out a couple notches above the normal customer incident.
ReplyDeleteScotty....kudos to your leaving all your goodies right there on the counter. I love that ballsy atttitude. And you know you totally ticked off the 400-pound bearded lady that was waiting in line behind you with her Velveeta and shaving cream. Nice.
ReplyDeleteI had the same thing happen to me when I turned 21, but I was in a casino...and I had been 21 for FOUR MONTHS at the time. (I just wasn't ready to give up my beloved "red" license...the picture was good.) The bouncer kept looking at where the date was highlighted, but couldn't seem to do simple math in his head, nor get past the menacing red background.
DOWN WITH S'nS!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteand I'm never shopping there again,
but seriously, didn't they tell you that would happen when you got your license...they told me. But then again my drivers ed teacher really liked to drink so it was an oft spoken of subject.
Yeah, Not having a lot of personal experience with the drinking thing (I know that I had my red ID until the damn thing expired) even I knew that most places wouldn't accept the red one. But I still think it's funny you left all your stuff there, partly because of what you did, partly because the woman was doing what she had to do, all in all... entertaining.
ReplyDeleteShop N Save still exists?
ReplyDeleteP.S. Quoting Jack Black and leaving all your stuff there is the greatest thing I've heard in a while.
that is crazy...i still have my old ID (it expires this year) and i have NEVER had a problem with it, but i am sure i would've pulled the same stunt if someone was choosing to live in learned incompetance. stupid shop n'save
ReplyDeleteTo Twig and Eddi, thanks for the support. With our combined revenue denied to them I'm expecting a notice of their bankruptcy shortly. Bastards.
ReplyDeleteTimmy, that quote was itchin' to be used. It's irrestible. I was just glad that a situation presented itself that let me.
Kimmy, welcome to the Wonder Blog. We're glad to have you (more so than Rob). Feel free to stay as long as you like, especially when you leave such good comments. I've determined that people who have jobs where checking ID is a big part of the description (i.e. bouncers, chubby figures from Eskimo mythology, people who work in airports) are never intelligent enough to do anything particularly taxing on the brain. Just how it goes.
Eddi, my driver's ed teacher warrants a post of his own. I'll give you an example of his cheesy jokes:
"I put a BAR in my CAR so I could drive myself to drink."
What a gem.
Rowela, are you telling me you know NOTHING of Eskimo shamanism? What kind of Burger U. college do you go to?
Rob, for a straight edge kid you know more about drugs and alcohol than any 10 people in rehab. This ITI stuff seems to have some side benefits. You only have to pass a urine test right? Hmmm...
Sarah, always nice to hear from you, yeah still exists. In force. The bastards.
J fi, when you called it "learned incompetance" it officially sealed this experience as another victory in the war against morons. Thanks.
- Scott
P.S. I replied to everybody! What a nice guy I am.
1) I still get carded for R rated movies
ReplyDelete2) Repeat after me, "Why don't you go get your supervisor for me? Hmm?" Don't leave the booze behind. Don't EVER leave the booze behind!
3) Happy belated birthday. I've been wallowing in vacationland and not paying attention. My bad.
your rude
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I take issue with your statement. Actually, I take several issues with it.
ReplyDelete1.) It's gramatically incorrect. It would be "You're rude."
2.) I was in the right. What a hag.
and finally
3.) I may be rude, but at least I own up to it. With a name and a face and such. Care to provide either?
- Scott