With Tim shipping out, presumably to persue his dream of making people laugh and getting paid for it, I find myself asking "just what is it I want to do with my life?" I've thought about it a long time, and I've finally decided: I want to be a smuggler. I haven't decided just what I plan to smuggle, but it looks like something I'd enjoy. Hell, who ever gets to decide what they smuggle? As far as I can tell, the smuggling greats ie Han Solo, Mal Reynolds, and to a lesser extent Them Duke Boys, all have to smuggle whatever people are paying them for. Now most times for the Duke boys it was moonshine, but I distinctly remember a time Boss Hog outlawed Seventeen magazine, it was dark times for all involved.
But where to start? I feel like I need smuggling contacts before I can break into the industry, and participate in the American dream of doing somewhat illegal things. Smuggling in Illinois alone is a $1 billion dollar* a year industry. I wanna get me a slice of that. The thing about it is, I bet there's a union. And your uncle or your father had to be in it to get you in. It's not like just anybody can smuggle things. You need to be part of a crack team. (It should be noted that, on occasion, it literally is a crack team like... with crack.) Preferably you should surround yourself with colorful savants each having fun character flaws that belie their genius level of skill at their particular speciality. That's SO one of those things a union, or guild, would hook up for you.
Don't get me wrong here, I realize I'm not going to *start* in a ship like Serenity or the Falcon, I recokon I'll get myself something simple. Like a conversion van, or a pontoon boat, and get my feet wet in that. I could probably make due in my car, the ever classy 1990 Chrysler New Yorker. I do have the optional dead hooker class trunk. In fact, push come to shove, I could probably fit 4-7 dead hookers in that trunk. Now I just have to figure out what I'm gonna smuggle to make the law man look all manner of stupid. Any suggestions?
- Scott
* Figure made up by me to sound cool.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
I wonder if there's a union
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I offer my services as an overly-nervous but loyal money launderer.
ReplyDeleteOoooh! Can I be your Jayne? I will always bring the granades.
ReplyDeleteCan I be "Preacher"? I don't need to spread the word of any particular religion... I'd rather be a preacher of myself. You know, just tell people what I think, and what they should do, and give out damnations, accept bribes, accept altar boys, govern the group think of nations... wait, what was I talking about again?
ReplyDeleteoh yeah, you should smuggle nutella.
I can be the witty token black person.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, I'm going to play myself, or I'll play that dude that doesn't die. Or maybe I'll be that other guy that does die. I'm not real sure.
ReplyDeleteWhat's that gleam in the distance? Why I think that's the noon stagecoach, bringing a new blog, perhaps all the way from New York.
I call trophy wife!
ReplyDeleteI'm also fairly proficient with assault rifles.
Keri
Of course you can all play those roles. Screw the Smuggler's Guild. It's more illegal to go it my own way, and we really support that kind of thing. You all described the perfect roles, especially Jake's. But Wendyloo, Rob, and Josh you guys are solid too.
ReplyDeleteTo Eddi (or Erin, what the hell do I call you online), I wasn't going to say anything... but I hoped you'd volunteer.
To Keri, a warrior woman trophy wife? I've heard good things... you're in.
- Scott
I call socially awkward yet technically proficient computer nerd who is the object of a secret crush harbored by the beautiful and innocent (female) mechanic.
ReplyDeleteThat would be sweet.
no wait... I call female mechanic!
ReplyDeleteKeri
Yeah! I just stole your trophy wife! Suck it!
ReplyDeleteKeri, if I weren't sure you were joking, and so secure in my masculinity, not to mention superiority over Tim, I would kick you off this ruddin' ship faster than Jayne can be crude. I am a large semi-muscular man, and I don't have to tell you that Tim is just tall. But your awesomeness outweighs your faux-flirting with Tim, so this one's free. Next time though... let's just not have a next time. That works for me.
ReplyDelete- Scott
Hey man, Freshman #3 came out this week. Um...just so you know.
ReplyDeleteI can be crude. See how well this works out?
ReplyDeleteCan I request that "Wash" doesn't die in our version. Instead I nominate Jacob to die... by one of Wendyloo's grenades.
ReplyDeleteSECOND!
ReplyDeleteTHIRD!
ReplyDeleteI guess I can keep my "Wash lives" retcon fanfic for myself if we're just going to act it out. Now what's really frying my mind is whether or not it's actually MORE geeky.
- Scott
Awesome. My first kill.
ReplyDelete