I don't know if it's from all the gold digging idiots (literally) who headed out in the 1840's, or it was the damn Okies who set out west to chase the illustrious dream of... picking fruit, but something somewhere along the way produced the abosolute dumbest population of any people outside of special institutes. (And some of those people could people whip the average Californian's ass at Boggle). By now you've all heard the verdict(s) that inspired this tirade. But in case you hadn't here's the gist of it: "Michael Jackson is innocent of all charges, and upon further deliberation, he also farts rainbows. It's because he didn't have a normal childhood!"
Fantastic. I don't know what's more annoying, the jurors, or the media. For 30 minutes before the trial they desperately tried to kill time until the trial verdict was read. I kid you not in one exchange an 'expert' explained that we should listen close because even if they say "Not guilty, not guilty, not guilty, not guilty, not guilty, not guilty, they might then say Guilty, and that means that he owes 1,500 dollars in fines and must prove that he can still moonwalk". Or some other obscure shit no one cares about. These anchors need to take some improv classes. I'd like to hear some games played while we wait.
Announcer: "Ok, in this scene Matt Lauer will play Michael Jackson. What should he be doing"
*Crowd*Mowing the yard! Baby sitting! Playing with Mr. Potato Head! Stealing Cable!*End Crowd*
Announcer: "Alright, I heard 'playing with Mr. Potato head'. Lauer take it away"
Lauer as Jackson: "Oh hello Potato Head. How are you? Uh ho, your nose fell off. Here have mine.
(Puts his nose on the Potato Head)
Lauer as Jackson: Now I'll wear yours.
(Puts Potato Head's Nose on)
Lauer as Jackson: Hey look now I'm black, white, and Jewish!"
And scene.
Now isn't that more entertaining than a half an hour of finding 82 new ways of saying that the judge will announce the verdict whenever they finish? I like to think so.
- Scott
Monday, June 13, 2005
California: No longer allowed to make decisions
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A quick recap of California's short commings:
ReplyDeleteThe aquittal of O.J.
The election of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The aquittal of Robert Blake (whose defense was that he couldn't shot his wife because he was going back into the restaurant where he had left his gun).
And of course, the release of Jacko.
Anyone see Connan's Triumph the Dog bit outside by all the supporters?
ReplyDeleteHilarious.
The media is definitely more annoying. Now you can be done wondering. There are only 12 jurors. There are a billion reporters. Gosh... and I'm majoring in journalism... crap.
The problem with your improv idea: even I am funnier than Matt Lauer. That is bad.
~c
Now, now, I don't think the election of Schwarzenegger is that bad. Him, McCain and those to skirts in Maine are our only hope of keeping the GOP from becoming Jesuscians.
ReplyDeleteI love California to death, being as I live here, in the most conservative part of the state too, take a guess... But even I am appalled by this decision. But you did forget that Californians did convict Scott Peterson, but honestly, instead of killing him, they should put a picture of his pregnant wife in his cell and make him look at it for the rest of his life. Frankly, Canada is looking better everyday.
ReplyDelete-ARB
Ok, so I didn't watch the trial or the verdict because, well, frankly, I have better things to do with my time but I do have a theory: It involves the bending of reality within a 20-mile radius of Michael Jackson, two golf balls and a stuffed buffalo head...
ReplyDelete