I have a confession to make. No not a confession, it's not like I'd hide it from anyone, it's more like something I just want people to know. And it's this: I hate Reese Witherspoon. Hate her. I loathe her very living on the same Earth as I. Were she on fire, I would not pee on her to put her out. I would however, gladly enjoy some Legally Browned S'mores cooked on her flaming corpse. For good measure I would pee on her ashes. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not usually such a hater of people I don't know. If anything I tend to find things I like in them. For instance I always picture Saddam Hussein as that estranged uncle who never comes to Thanksgiving, who's not really such a bad guy if you give him a chance. As long as you never play rock, paper, scissors with the bastard.
Anyway I've mentioned this before, and people always ask me for justifications. "Why Scott, how could you hate her?" I'll tell you how; I sense evil. Long before most people can. And this woman is pure unadulterated evil. In fact she's so evil she is adulterated. The whore. I have it on good authority that she actually eats babies to keep herself young. Remember when she was knocked up? Hmmm? And have you ever seen a picture of her and that baby? In fact she seemed to lose that baby weight pretty fast didn't she... BECAUSE SHE SACRIFICED THE BABY IN A BLACK MASS! The pieces are all right there staring you in the face like a one legged hooker who knows she's going to get passed over, despite the fact that she's in plain sight. There's clearly only one thing to do, Napoleon Skywalker, take us away:
"You're next Anne Coulter!"
- Scott
P.S. Napoleon is depicted as drawn by Nicolas Allgood (real last name). Reese dying an 8-bit death, Copyright Scott Gresham.
I honestly can say that I've never been more frightened of you than I am right now. That whole bit you used to do with the giant turtle shell and ballet shoes? That was nothing. NOW I'm scared.
ReplyDeleteEh, your photoshop work could use some help, but a pretty lifelike representation if you ask me. I expecially like how you handled the blood. The textures... the color... all very, "bloody." I give it a A for both Content as well as Realistic Blood and Gore.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if you're an only child, because only children tend to be fomenters of irrational hate. (Perhaps its the years of being the ceter of attention.) I would know, I hate Scott Stapp with a passion, for absolutely no reason. (See how I managed to make this about me...only child)If you aren't an only child, well....perhaps you need to look into psychoanalysis or shock therapy, you're a tortured person.
ReplyDeleteThat's My Napoleon Drawing! Finally he used it!
ReplyDelete-- Nick
Ok, this is just ridiculous. Not what you all are saying, I can see the basis for that, I mean the post itself. I was joking the prinicipal purpose for having this 'ere blog o' mine is to rant illogically about random things. This is one of them; sure she annoys me, but I would definately put her out if she were on fire. Seriously, I'd be famous, and there'd probably be some kind of reward involved.
ReplyDeleteNext up, nope not an only child. Despite my attempts at fratricide, my brother remains alive and well. So any freakish desire to be the center of attention stems simply from my own excellent and sought after personality.
- Scott
Irrational Hate for the sake of boredom? I find no problem with that.
ReplyDeleteYou need a disclaimer. Otherwise people think you're serious about wanting to car jack them and they fire you and ban you from campus.
ReplyDelete