Since my blog brothers have been so enraptured by the happening, I feel that I too must share with the world and the internet how Josh's engagement has affected my life. It's funny how life is, one day you wake up and it's like 'here go to school, there's no more day long marathons of Seasame Street and Garfield' and at first you're confused. Why, why does this utopian existance I've known thus far have to end?! But then you find out college isn't so bad and you get over it.
The next thing you know, your friends of friends aren't 'hooking up' anymore, but getting married. Marriage? Like in the movies and tabloids?! And as long as I've known Josh I've never pictured him married. This is all new to me. And so difficult to take all at once. I'm just a little disapointed I had to hear about it from Rob. I mean, aren't we close Josh? I remember those days we spent together at Agape, breaking into houses for showers and...well that's about all I remember from that particular expierence. But it was GOOD! And now you're getting married. I'll have to think of it as not losing a brother/friend of a friend, but gaining...the story of Tim's toast?
Come to think of it, that's a pretty even trade. I officially give this marriage my blessing and as such include a list ofvarious advice to make your marriage last from my observations into the subject:
- When rebelling against England, make sure to hide your bride so some English snob can't tie her to a post and slit her throat. Because after that you're liable to go crazy and get your intestines ripped out of your still living body.
- If at anytime your bride wears sneakers with her wedding dress, sedate her and prevent her from getting collagen injections for her lips.
- Any interaction between your hippie wife and conservative parents will be painful to watch but for some reason laughter will come from off screen. Don't question this or you'll be written off.
- Apparently it's more romantic if you set it up as her marrying someone else, then you have to burst in tell her you lover her, and marry her on the spot. If there's someway you could set that up, I'd reccomend it.
- Corollary: When you start to marry her bar the doors when the priest asks "if anyone has an objection to this union please speak now...yadda yadda yadda." Because why risk it?
- Finally, on the honeymoon, don't let Harrison Ford pilot you anywhere. Just trust me on this one. The man has never been on a plane in a movie where something didn't go wrong.
- Scott
P.S. Feel free, nay, encouraged to add to this list. I mean, we want the best for this kid right?
Uh...make sure she's not an axe murderer? Yeah, I got nothing. You pretty much covered the "All I Need to Know About Marraige I Learned From Hollywood Cliches" category.
ReplyDeleteYeah I felt pretty thorough about it. I was really going for a list of 10, but I couldn't think of any more. I would base it on my own considerable experience...but I don't think sentence fragments become my blog.
ReplyDelete- Scott
Oh Tuomi, I was there the time he told us that story. His delivery, coupled with the fact that I was copping a strong buzz at the time made it hilarious. I miss the dude even though I hardly knew him. But there was that one night we stayed out in front of Bonnie Jean's Pizza hitting on ugly girls. I may just never forget that. We were out there for like 4 hours.
ReplyDeleteAny word on him comming back to U of I/AKL? He was supposed to just miss a year wasn't he? Keep me posted, and I'll see you this weekend.
- Scott
As long as we're telling wedding stories, in my internet adventures I've come across a great one. Here it is as I found it:
ReplyDelete"Time for another story about the Assumption College Legend: "Louie" (So named, because for some reason he reminded people of the scrappy Red Sox infielder Lou Merloni.)
This is about the wedding of my friend Mike--a big bad badass from Hartford.
The facts:
1. Mike got married in Oklahoma and the reception was at a function hall just outside an AFB near OKC.
2. Mike married, Maria--a Mexican girl.
3. Maria’s entire family showed up at the wedding.
4. My buddy Louie, Mike's brother, was the best man.
Mike and Louie, like most brothers, regularly jive with each other. And like most brothers, it can occasionally turn physical. The difference here is that Mike and Louie are borderline psychotic.
So during the reception Mike and Louie were joshing--trading insults at the head table. And the head table was about 4 feet up on a sort of raised platform. And at one point, Mike reached around his new bride and chucked Louie in the arm. Louie laughed, leaned back and punched Mike in HIS arm. And he made sure it was just a bit harder than Mike had punched him. Mike’s laughter lessened considerably. He reached across the bride and smacked Louie on the side of the head. Then the big smile Louie had been wearing quickly left his face.
Mike stood up.
Louie stood up.
Mike punched Louie in the face.
Louie shook it off and reached WAY back for the roundhouse to end all roundhouses....
... and the bride stood up.
Louie connected so hard with her head that her lights went out instantly. It was like slow motion. The new bride pitched forward across the food-laden table, which toppled over off the dais and crashed onto the floor. The unconscious bride was out cold in the middle of this huge mess.
And then her entire, enraged non-English-speaking and thus bewildered, family rose up en masse and rushed the stage.
A riot ensued. MPs from the AFB had to come and break it up.
15 years later: Louie and Mike remain tight. He and Maria are still married, and yes, she speaks to Louie."
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI was going to delete your comment and say something about how we used to be friends...
ReplyDeleteBUT WE WERE NEVER FRIENDS!!!!!
Furthermore, I just had jack crap to write about so I decided to play up how trivial it is to me that Josh is getting hitched. Then, deciding that I still wished him the best I gave him a list of guidelines. However, today's post shall have nothing to do with theirs and I henceforth take a sabbatical of one week from reading their journals.
ReplyDelete- Scott