Brevity = good.

Congratulations to those who made it through last week's two "unnaturally gigantic" posts. I was horribly horribly sick (or on the verge of being so) at the time of writing them, so you'll have to forgive me. To those who completed the word feast: you are now better people. Make sure to show it off.

The subject of today's post is one of much musing between myself and... oh whoever's near by when I'm annoyed by the temperature of something. You see, we have lots and lots of machines to make things hotter. Like fire for instance. We've been a little too proud of that one for a little too long if you ask me. We invented it ages ago and no one's really improved on it much. Sure we package it different ways, but is the functionality much different? But I digress.

But it's not just fire; between ovens, microwaves, fire, toasters, George Forman Grills, faulty lamps, and my muscular buttocks we have several ways of making things (and people) hot quickly. What we haven't figured out is how to make something COLD quickly. What we need is a reverse oven. Because sometimes I cook a pizza, and I want to eat it RIGHT THEN. Not in 5 minutes. Not after blowing on it. I want a mouthful of 'za and I want it now. So I take that biteful. And then I scream. Because, as my family likes to remind me, it was cooked with heat.

For these and other* reasons I've decided to spend my fortune developing The Reverse Oven. Below you can see an artist's conception of a rough mock-up of what this machine might look like. It's a prototype and keep in mind that there's a lot of work to be done still, but I think I can submit this as proof the concept is viable.

- Scott

*I can't even just make tea. I try, but it too is ridiculously hot. Apparently boiling water disagrees with me. So I brew it up, then put it in an frosted glass in the freezer for another five minutes until it's not so freaking scalding. Goldilocks and I should get together and have a nice long chat about thermal preference.