So, I'm officially one week away from college graduation. With my Bachelors of Computer Science (which will look great on the wall of my study, surrounded by leather bound books and the rich smell of mahogony) I'm about to enter the much buzzed "real world." So, I said to myself: "Self, we need a job." Actually my dad said that to me. And his exact wording was something like "I'm cutting you off." I laughed, then I remembered the time he said "Checkout is at 18."
Much like Lorelai Gilmore I'm cast out into the harsh world with nothing but good looks, the remainder of my savings, a college degree, and no financial obligations. Ok, so nothing like Lorelai Gilmore. But if we ever met I'd play up our similarities, then I'd hit it. I mean, she had sex with Jason. If "Digger" can seduce this woman, she's not exactly the chastity belt type. In fact it's pretty much the opposite. She's the... slut belt type. Yes, that's clever.
Anyway, I'm thrown out on my nicely toned ass. So I thought I'd do the sellout thing and get some kind of a job to support myself. Unless there's a middle class, young, healthy, white male chairty I'm unaware of, it seems to be my only option. Updating my resume I was shocked to discover how much of my experience and qualifications were missing. It's been awhile since I dusted the thing off, but I clearly wasn't interested in getting a job the last time I updated it. Some of my best skills are missing!
Here's a few categories I've added in:
- Experienced with fire control (Guild Wars),
- Skilled in Zombie Removal (Resident Evil),
- Percentage of time spent on quests less than average (EverQuest),
- Frequent claimer of larger than average, or phat loot (EverQuest II)
- Good with children (Commander Keen),
- Great organizational skills (Tetris),
- Veteran (Battlefield 1942, America's Army),
- Well Traveled (Adventures of Johnny Quest),
- Worked to advance women's causes (Tomb Raider, Perfect Dark),
- and finally, Excellent time management skills (Prince of Persia)
- Scott
Time Management and Organizational Skills get you some due credit. Damn that was funny.
ReplyDeleteStrangely enough, we didn't learn a thing from Carmen Sandiego. Nothing besides how to look stuff up in a World Almanac really quickly.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot, edutainment software! Thanks for nothing!
I take offense to Digger. He was the asshat hotel manager that fired J.Lo in Maid in Manhatten. How could Lorelei stoop so low?
ReplyDeleteI'd borrow her slut belt for Christopher though.
How about the ability to see minute details, picked up from any Sega GameGear game?
ReplyDeleteI'd also add the ability to stay on task and motivated from Sega Genesis games (and the like, I'm just saying what I learned off) before the era of "memory cards." These younguns today don't know how spoiled they are.
~c
Corie, despite posting at 3 in the morning, makes an excellent point. Toejam and Earl was a HELLA long game to get through without saving your progress at any point. But Brett Enloe and I, we did it. Man, I wonder what HE'S up to these days.
ReplyDeleteBrent Enloe... In Spain. Well let's just say he accosted me with a wooden clothes hanger in a (successful) attempt to wake me up. Sure he could have told me what time it was... but that just didn't quite have the same "Bruno" charm.
ReplyDelete- Scott
P.S. Expect make-up posts all this week. I'm almost done with school baby!