I think all the people here in my blog paradise have seen movies with Supervillians in them. From Bond, to Superman, to Howard the Duck, all of our heroes have had to deal with some kind of terrifying superbadass. For Bond it was Dr. No, for Superman it was Lex Luthor, for Howard the Duck it was wondering why a movie staring him got made. In any case all these supervillians had one thing in common, they were evil, they had the potential to reap mass destruction, and they were scary.
What's interesting is that we actually have some supervillians kicking around the planet today, in real life. Dick Cheney for one, ok so maybe he isn't exactly supervillian material. They're very selective. But definately a fine henchman. Oh, and let's not forget the mother of all current villians: Osama bin Laden.
Anyone know what he's been up to lately? Well one man, no doubt an expert in his field does. Apparently Osama caused the recent tsunami disaster. That's right, somebody finally put two and two together and got five. Reading this string of logic will most likely cause a brain aneurysm, so be careful out there.
Here's my real problem with that crapstorm of a theory. We're accrediting a comic book/blockbuster movie scale plot to a guy who threatens us with crappy homemovies he makes of himself talking into a Mr. Microphone infront of that rock? I mean come on people, this guy can't even find a nice suit to wear as he slings threats at the infidels, he wears those God awful rags of his. Come on Osama, clean up! Throw some drywall up in your cave, hire a production crew, buy some boom mics, maybe a lapel mic or two (you look like you're hosting an Al-Jazeera game show with that microphone in your hand), a best boy, a few gaffers, and some decent lighting. Because if you want to threaten the western world you have to understand what we're all about: Production Value. Except in the case of celebrity sex tapes, in which case anything will do.
Although I will point out that the Paris Hilton tape was a lot more low key than the Pamela Anderson debacle, and do you know why? Hmm, I'll call on you in the rags. That's right little Osama, Pam had better PV. Get with the program, or we'll start calling you Osama "bargain bin" Laden. And I think that would probably hurt your feelings. I'm doing it all for you here. Hear me out, it's time for change
- Scott
Monday, January 10, 2005
Beware the Supervillian
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Even more so than production values, Osama needs better scripts. It's the difference between Pixar making 6 amazing films and Dreamworks animation absolutely sucking it up every time. The whole "infidel, we will kill you all" schtick is really wearing thin. He needs a new angle. Maybe Osama should try irony. After all, he was the one who killed it. He should be the one to bring it back to life.
ReplyDeleteBrillant Post Scott. Quality. I think I'm gonna link to it from mine. Also you've unwittingly selected my blog topic for today. I just recently started keeping a list of ideas to blog about, in hopes to bring more quality topics to the table. And your post hit pretty close to home here. Great minds think a like.
ReplyDeleteAs a side note. I would like to nominate YOU as my arch nemisis. I think you possess all the qualities I look for in a rival. Good times may be had by all here. I will do my best to thwart you at every turn. Just like every Itchy has his Scratchy and every Dick has his Lips (That's Dick Tracy you perverts).