My Thanksgiving; A Recap

Well, it was another Gresham Thanksgiving. How fun. Let me give you a little background on me and my Thanksgiving traditions. To do this let me take you back in time, *deedly do deedly do deedly do* (camera goes blury then spins around).

The year is 1995, I'm in fifth grade. It's another dull Thanksgiving at the stately Gresham Manor. The relatives are shooting the shit, and I've already eaten or hiden all the deviled eggs. After entertaining everyone by putting on all my clothes and pretending to have gotten fat from eating all the food, I needed something else to entertain myself. What caught my eye first was the myriad selection of wine everyone brought.

What's all the to-do over this grape juice stuff. "Mir-lot" I read. Hmm, not much of a name, it must rely more on great taste than marketing. I got myself a wine glass and poured it full to the brim. Then I got a straw (What hoosier drinks wine through a straw?), quickly noting no one else was drinking wine through a straw I scrapped it. I also decided that adults might not think it's as funny as I do to be drinking wine at my age so I'd better down it fast.

I tasted it, and immediately concluded that it had gone bad. But, not that bad. As I drank the rest of it (I'd say over about 10 minutes) I liked it a bit more. Eventually, the inevitable happened. I was about to get away with it when I decided it would be more fun to just blatently announce it to the family. Yeah, that's the ticket. I'll show everyone how slick I am. Unfortuntately, no one else took to heart how feindishly clever my plot to get to the wine was. Mom flipped out thinking I was drunk and demanded to smell my breath, and look into my eyes. Dad just thought it was kind of funny. All in all I got off with a slap on the wrist and a pretty fine buzz.

Back to the present. *Lighting strike, 1.21 Gigawatts. Etc.* *Doodly dee doodly dee doodly dee*

It's 9 years later. Thanksgiving has become my drunken holiday. Every year I get a little more adventurous. I remember the Thanksgiving I started to enjoy Bailey's Irish Cream, and when I tried my first gin. Ahh, good memories. All in moderation...until this year. I mean, I might drink a bit more than I should have, but I never got too out of hand.

This year, I got home a day before the T-Day and put in my order. Two bottles of Bailey's, some Whiskey, Vodka, and maybe some wine for everyone else. Sadly, only one bottle of Bailey's, one bottle of Gentleman Jack (the smoother older brother of Jack Daniel's), and one bottle of wine. Tisk tisk, how little I had to work with. I started in on the Bailey's the night before. Just a glass or two. The next day, I would hit it hard.

The morning of the next day (or morning-ish, I think I woke up at around noon) I had the Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks with waffles for breakfast. The thick, viscous Irish Cream perfectly complimented the syrupy, buttered waffles. Delicious, and healthy! I went through more than half the bottle before the actual dinner. Then through the course of the dinner I finished the rest of it. It was hilarious. Everyone knew I was drinking it, just not how much.

Meanwhile I've been entertaining, jokes, stories, strange things I acted out, all in all you wouldn't have realized I was drunk. I act that way anyway. Although I'm much wittier sober, and my references never miss. For instance, I think when my brother gave out some random tidbit of explination on something I said "Well thanks for the hypothesis Encyclopedia Murphy Brown." Oops. The jig was up when my parents and aunt wanted some after dinner Bailey's and coffee. No one was happy about that, but I did point out that I told them to buy two bottles.

Then we moved on to games. Mad Gab and Buzzwords. I'm the offical North American Buzzword Champion. No one has ever beaten me and I have only missed 5 questions. My name is Daniel, and I can not be defeated... But the other team can get pissy that a drunken 19 year old is kicking their ass. And that's exactly the tact my aunt (and to a lesser extent my mom) took. They were just "taking" things. Like if it wasn't what the buzzphrase actually was, but close enough my aunt would be like 'I'm taking that'. And yet deny my team that same liberty. The bitch!

So, I did what any reasonable drunken master of the English language and Pop Culture would do. I threatened to ruin Thanksgiving. "IF YOU KEEP CHEATING I SWEAR THAT I WILL SAY SOMETHING TO RUIN THANKSGIVING" They knew not to push me. And we went on to win 165 to 48. Good times. - Scott

P.S. As I typed this epic, I was watching Smallville. Kristin Kruek is so hot she even looks good as a zombie. Now THAT's beauty. I don't care where you're from.