Liars, Guns, and Money. Part 1

I don't know if you've wised up and taken my advice to go see Garden State but if you did, you probably noticed how sleazy some of Largeman (Braff's) friends are. Well, compaired to the posse I was hanging out with this weekend, those guys are saints. It all started out with me chatting (read pumping for information) with an old friend from high school. (One side note, how cool is that I'm old enough to have an "old friend from high school. Mesa cool, that's how cool.) And she mentioned that she wanted to see me. I thought it was just an excuse to try to jump my bones, and so gladly accepted.

Then in comes one of my shadier aquaintences, no names will be named, but think long hair, no shoes. Suddenly it's a party at his farm I'm supposed to go to. I'd been to one there once before, and on that occasion I ended up drinking a fifth of rum, starting a minor forrest fire (then trying to smother it with leaves and small brush), and finally realizing that we should have pitched the tent before it got so drunk out, pitching a tent over a sapling. Which was poking the hell out of my back all night. I don't reccomend it.

Anyway this was the type of thing I was expecting. But expectations, like children from Appalachia, don't always come out the way you'd expect. Somewhere along the line I forgot that a normal kid goes kind of wild in college. And a slightly wild kid, goes completely apeshit. It used to be mostly alcohol and sometimes Mary Jane with him, but now there's perscription pills,
marijuana, and mushrooms. Come to think of it, that kinda sounds like toppings on some kind of Betty Ford pizza. His friends were no great influences either. His stoner friends range from the smoked/perscription pilled-himself-retarded guy, to the kinda decent guy who's funny stoned. I met this motley crew at the Shop-N-Save at around 11PM, where they were stocking up on the essentials of the night. Which turned out to be dried appercots, 10 bags of potato chips, a gas can to fill with vodka and drink out of, and liquor.

We set out from the store around 11:30 and maybe got to the field where we were going to camp at about 12 AM. As you might guess, it was dark. Gold star for knowing your times of day. It was so dark in fact that when we pulled up and got out of our cars we didn't even realize that what field we had parked in. We didn't find out until one of them got close enough to bump into and let out a cautious "moooo?" It was a huge, curious cow, and we were surrounded by more of them. The (mostly) city stoner kids freaked out. I was a bit worried myself, I had been eating the angus, and now the angus was angry. Fortunately the angus knew better and I didn't have to eat any raw cow. I still don't know how our headlights missed that.

We moved into a different field and set up camp. Then of course they busted out the drugs. For stoners though, his friends turned out to be pretty good on peer pressure, in fact the one time someone tried to pressure me into doing something 4 other guys jumped his ass about how uncool it was. No peer pressure druggies...this political correctness thing has gotten way out of hand. After consuming enough mind altering substances to consider voting for Bush, the hippies decided that it was time to tell scary stories around the fire. Or try to while 9 other stoned people make fun of you. Eventually the desire for some kind of entertainment won out and the stories began. And while it was supposed to be funny (which it kind of was) what I heard was the most distrubing thing I may ever hear. This is getting a bit long, so it's going to be a multi parter.

Before I end here is that story paraphrased as best I can remember: "Ok, here's the story. Some of you have heard it and were there, so don't ruin the ending. Well me and *I don't remember the guy's name, I'll call him Casey* Casey were heading out to meet some friend at a motel. And we go in and everyone's doing acid, so we do some acid. And we're drinking and stuff, and then we decide to go out and walk around. So, we go out and we're walking down the street and we see this midget. And we're like 'Yo. Midget, what's up' and we get to talking and this midget just has a lot of ideas. We're like this is pretty cool, this midget has something to say. So we bring him back to the motel with us. And we gave him some beer and some acid. And he's having a good time. But a little later he gets up on the table and starts screaming. The midget is just freaking out. We tried to calm him down, but nothing would work...so we ended up throwing him in the closet and blocking the door. Eventually we went to sleep and kind of forgot about him. So the next day we were leaving and somebody was like "Oh yeah the midget." Everyone was pretty worried, so we opened the closet and..."

The ending is mind blowing, and severely wrong. I'm pretty sure someone told me not to repeat this, but it gives you an idea of who I accidently ended up hanging out with. I think I'll leave you in suspense. If I get enough comments I'll just finish the tale in the comments portion of the blog. Let me know - Scott