Apparently I'm more physically talented than I give myself credit for. Maybe it's the shoes. Whatever the reason, I've been ridiculously sneaky the past two weeks. I've been popping up next to people with more efficiency than even the Sidler. The last two times this happened to me were both at movie concession stands. The earlier time I had slipped out of Ice Harvest (horrible, horrible movie) to get a refill. I walked up to the counter just as the girl bent down to put some snacks away. When she turned back I was there. Fear met desire and a cry/moan of shock/lust escaped her lips. The second time when the reel broke at Goodnight, and Good Luck, I mosey-d on down to the concession stand to get some snackage to make that dry turkey of a flick more bearable. Same thing, the girl had her head turned, I walked to the counter started in with "What up, could I get some Reces's Pieces?" which was also quite shocking for the girl in question.
If I were some kind of unaware-women-murderer I would be cleaning up. Making out like a bandit I tell you! (Insert Family Guy-esq cutscene of a bandit awkwardly attempting to kiss a girl at a drive in movie, followed by my revision: "...well, maybe a little better than that.") But that's not the extent of my mutant powers. Not by a pantload. I also have the ability, or even skill, to fall down flights of stairs with little to no phsyical damage. I have done so when the occasion suited me in the past, and did it recently at Josh and Allyn's place. I think I decided it was necessary after the 10th time I heard "Becareful, the stairs are icy!" At that point I just threw myself down the stairs, tumbling like a sassy child in a dryer, then smacked into the concrete at the bottom and kept on rollin'. I finally stopped on the sidewalk and lay prone in one of positions made popular by the police chalkings-around-dead-foo's. I proceeded to moan: "If only you had warned me just a little sooner, or perhaps a few more times!"
It was good times for all.
- Scott
Monday, December 05, 2005
Sneak Like a Spaniard, Tumble Like a Weed
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Apparently I have to be racist to get comments.
ReplyDelete"I just plain don't like white people!"
Comment away.
- Scott
you are one of a kind scotty, you crack me up... sorry i don't have much to say right now, we just don't talk anymore...
ReplyDeleteIt's coo smallz. Some posts just don't inspire comments. Because what is there to say about perfection? "Uhh, it's really good."
ReplyDeleteThat's about it.
- Scott
Dearest...hmm, see I want to employ a name with greater formality than that provided by 'Scotty'...is Scottford a name? Well, if I say it is, then surely it is, right? I think Descartes would like my reasoning.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I was bored and reading through your blogs...to relieve my boredom, it's important to get that chain of causation right...and noticed your usage of the term 'Butter face'. For some reason I thought this term of endearment was exclusive to my part of the world, and was rather distraught, or maybe relieved, to see that such depth of emotion extends to men in all parts of the world.
Also, I must admit, I was rather horrified at your treatment of your teacher...regardless of how ridiculous a specimen of educational prowess she may be...though, the more I read the more I must wonder if I should be taking everything with a proverbial mountain of salt?
Eitherway, it's a most entertaining read.
You shouldn't have any doubt as to who this is...I wouldn't imagine.
I knew you were A) a racist and B) a serial killer, because those are my kind of fellas. Your talents never cease to amaze me.
ReplyDeleteSo I've apparently been suffering from a strange habit lately... and that's "Unsucessful Replies." I don't know what it is, I specifically remember typing a comment to your last post, but after writing a nice chunk about how it... I must have gotten distracted. I remember commenting on how much I like The Boondocks, yet it makes me a tad uncomfortable at times, almost like I feel like I need to turn the volume down sometimes so people don't overhear. And I remember thinking of a response to this post, but then noticed I never typed it. And I've thought about posting this comment here for at least 24 hours now. I think I have a problem.
ReplyDelete