So you think you can harmonica.

I seriously wish I played harmonica. There's no situation in which the harmonica sounds out of place. If you're sad, play some blues. If you're traveling, play one of those harmonica interludes you hear as they do the pioneer wagoning montage. If you're happy, play any of the five Blues Traveler singles. But know ahead of time that you'll only make one album and promptly dissapear off the face of the earth, later to be noticed again because you're no longer morbidly obese. I guess the only time it would actually be inappropriate is if you were at the funeral of a man who died from choking on a harmonica. And even then it's more of an ironic thing.

The worst part of it is that when you play "air harmonica" you either look like you're blowing on you just-painted fingernails (and I have Vietnamese women do that for me) or Mr. Peepers eating an apple.

That aside, I've recently been taken in by the new "reality" series So You Think You Can Dance. If the title wasn't bad enough, add to that the show airing on Fox. It's a pretty vicious double whammy. And often a funny one. I enjoy making fun of modern dance to start with, Parish School of dance gave me some great material for that (now they've produced some other great material). But this show (despite no offering of porn stars) might just be even better fodder. I really enjoy my theories about dancers.

For one, I wonder if, before dance audtions and performances, the dancers ever get really drunk. Like to give them the edge. I know it makes me a better dancer, I can remember one night in particular when I was busting some pretty great moves. Moves I could never have thought of, and/or attempted sober. But there is a fine line to this liquidy talent, I think we've all seen the girl in the bar who's convinced that the sexiest thing ever is to throw her arms in the air and swing them wildly around yelling 'Whooooo'. At any point before that, you're golden.

I also enjoy anytime when the contestants break out 'Jazz Hands'. Ah, the Jazz Hands, is there any better body part/style of music juxtaposition?I think not. I mean, the Goth Torso and the Classical Pelvis just never really caught on. Although the Celtic Elbow had a breif run of popularity in the mid 1800's. Anglo elbows notwithstanding all pale in comparison to the mighty jazz hands. But if you think of a better one let me know. For now, I'm off to corrupt some young minds at the Bobby Mo' open house.

- Scott