Dinner with Heather

If you're like me, and pray you are, you frequently make up backgrounds and characteristics for people you meet. Entirely construct/guess their tastes and personality. Apparently Rob and Josh do this as well, because we spent a really kick ass dinner today as we wildly conjectured (now a verb) about our waitress. It started innocently enough as she laughed a fake, fake laugh at my seating preferance which was deadpanned: "First available". It happened to be an empty restaurant. Sure it's funny, but it's filler funny. Just rolling along between the good stuff. She - on entirely the wrong beat - decided to laugh as though it was hilarious.

This is probably the quickest way to lose standing in my eyes. If you don't laugh, I'm actually spur-ed on. It means that I can't sit back and coast though this, I have to bring my A-game. This lady laughed when I was saying unfunny stuff like when she brought our drinks and I used the word "kat-sup". This was shortly after I announced my theory on her 'tip laughing' and a potentially failed acting career. You ain't winning no Oscar's lady. At some point we started wondering things about her. And then betting on which one of us was right. The first one cropped up casually, what her favorite Disney move was. I went with Aladin, Josh went the Snow White route, and Rob picked something random like the Little Mermaid. We actually asked her. I was right. I'm not so sure whether or not she was creeped out at this point, but my celebration probably didn't help things.

The next round (as she brought us straws) we found out the results of her high school sports status. Josh one this one with his disarmingly accurate 1-2 years in Volleyball guess. Then, wanting to break this tie (I have heard Josh doesn't like to leave things unfinished) the last time she came around we went into the 'lightning round'. Which was simply what CD she last listened to, or what CDs she listens to in heavy rotation. When J asked her the question her answer just about KILLED us: "I don't know... I don't listen to Heavy Rotation (TM) CD's." Made my night. But sadly, no one won the contest as we weren't right about the CD choices. I had Skynnard, Josh went with Guns 'N Roses, and I think Rob went with early nineties power pop. When she gave the answer we were all pretty disappointed because we could have got it if we took closer note of the shaved back of her head. That's right. It was Slipknot. We let her go after that, but I highly advocate posing personal questions about your waiters and betting on the outcomes. It really does pass a dinner nicely.

- Scott