Read this story: Homeless Couple Charged With Having Sex On Median During Rush Hour.
Now, is anyone else noticing an upswing in the homeless couple stories? I've read three in the last month. Is there some kind of hoboHarmony.com site out there or something? How are these people hooking up?
In my entire life, I've never seen bums on a date. In fact, I've rarely seen two homeless people in the same place1. So when it happens... of COURSE they're going to have to just kind of go with it and take their time2.
And really, what else are they supposed to do when they go out? 'Za and a movie is probably going to be out of the question, unless Dominoes is throwing something out and there's a drive-in within walking distance.
My point is this: hobos are dating more, and their options are limited. This instance is just another example of the Drifter Dating cliche "Your place or min... oh yeah. So then... screw in the street?"
We're all just going to have to adapt.
1 Exception: under overpasses/soup kitchens. I go there for the soup, but I stay for the conversation. The bat-shit crazy, disjointed conversation.
2 The stigma attached to homeless men getting 'there' too soon is intense. In street culture it is known as the "Bum's Rush" and hobos make fun of each other mercilessly over this.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Bum Love
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You make a good point. Although, they could have some more respect for people and not do it at rush hour. It's not like they have anything going on the rest of the day. The rest of us -- sure, we've got all sorts of scheduling conflicts. Work, etc. Homeless people have nothing but time on their hands, so you think they could get it over with in the middle of the day or something.
ReplyDeleteH. Can I call you H? Have we gotten to that point in our relationship? Because if so, I'd like to push the boundaries and call you "Local H."
ReplyDelete"Local H," you raise a good point. Hobos could hump at any time of the day. The flaw in your plan is that of scheduling. The bums don't keep a planner, and very few wear watches. I'm not sure they commonly use the kind of forethought required to plan your afternoon delight so it doesn't run concurrently with the rush hour.
Now if they could just steal a folex from those foreign guys selling them on the street you'd have something.
- Scott
Local H -- I like it.
ReplyDeleteAs you may have figured out, you've been linked on my very poorly written, random, mindless blog. This ought to bring you all of one reader, if you're lucky. It's obviously a huge honor to be linked.
You would think that hobos -- who spend tons of time outside because, really, they have nowhere else to spend time -- would have figured out how to tell time by the sun. OR would just have the common human decency to only get busy in the median when there aren't a lot of cars on the road.
Rush hour may not have been the most opportune time to break out the hobo sex. As for where the homeless go on dates, I would venture to guess their favorite dumpster, a restaurant where warm table scraps can be had or a swanky freeway underpass.
ReplyDeleteI really love the idea of hoboHarmony.com. I seriously always see homeless people in the library. Now I'm going to pretend that's what they're doing on the computer. Please do me a favor and write a sample hobo profile that might appear on that site. I wanted to do it but am not nearly clever or funny enough to pull it off.
ReplyDeleteYour footnote #2 made me almost pee my pants.
I saw something like this in National Lampoon a while ago. It dealt with the mating habits of hobos.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember most of it, but I think that if feces accumulated in the left leg of the trousers, it indicated a heterosexual preference, while a right-dominant accumulation signalled homosexuality. An even distribution meant just that (bisexuality).
Where the bloody buggery hell have you been?
ReplyDeleteHere and there and everywhere. But, living off the grid as I am, as far as the government knows... nowhere.
ReplyDelete- Scott