Houston, we have a fatal attraction.

For the uninitiated, here's a breif run down of the story... Lisa Nowak, an astronaut, fell in love with another astronaut, William Oefelein (who despite his appearence and occupation, is not nicknamed "Buzz"). Unfortunately, Willy was already with an Air Force chick named Colleen Shipman. True to her bunny boiler nature, Nowak had no choice but to drive to Florida from Texas and snuff her.

If you'd like a fuller account. Check here.

*sigh* NASA... For all their psychological screening, mission simulations, and contingency senarios, there was never any training on how to deal with the most dangerous mission of all: love. Specifically the love of a psychotic, clingy, stalker-woman.

What they did train for however, was being very comfortable letting your bowels loose as you go about your activities. "Don't crap in your hand, crap in your poopy suit / You'll feel relieved filling your brief's / Fill your pants over France in your poopy suit / Flying high in the poo, feel free to do the number two," goes the jingle in the film they show freshmen astronauts. And I guess it sticks with them, as evidenced by this snippet:

...police said Nowak intended to kill Shipman, 30, when she bought a knife, BB
Gun, and other supplies, got in her car in Houston, and made the 12-hour drive
to Orlando, wearing diapers so she would not have to stop along the way.

The complete list of her accessories for the outing include a hooded tan trench coat and black wig, a folding knife, BB pistol, a new steel mallet, black gloves, rubber tubing and plastic garbage bags. Police caught her while she was attempting to determine which of these items would be most useful in reaching the light side of the moon after crashlanding on the dark side*. The best answer would receive extra credit points.

I'm not entirely sure a black wig and a hooded tan trench coat make for the best inconspicuous outfit. I mean, where the hell do you even find a hooded trench coat? You'd look like the Grim Reaper version of the guy on the neighborhood watch sign.

Speaking of appearences, I don't think I can properly conclude this post without introducing you to the key players. So get your program here, can't tell a waifish virginal Air Force captain from a hardened, strung out, ex-astronaut without your program.

The Cling-on. The Man in Question. The Waif.

Now that you know what they look like, some triva about each.

The Cling-on: Apparently a big fan of Freeze Dried Meth. Fears include being alone, running out of diapers on a critical mission (like a coke run), and personal hygiene.

The Man in Question: One of the first mixed race astronauts; his grandfather was quite obviously a rabbit.

The Waif: Goes by the nickname "the little general" as a result of her military background and petite frame. Is unaware, however, that "the little general" is the penis nickname of choice for 99% of all males who don't go with the "Little OWNER NAME HERE" formula.

- Scott