On my way to work Monday I had to get out of my car and trudge through the snow. This was not because our lot wasn't shoveled. It was because I had seen a sign so ridiculous I needed to get photographic evidence of it.
The best way to find out is by cutting one open. Inside you'll find a license plate, most of a tire, and the missing eight-year-old boy who got him cut open in the first place. We'll collectively call that Good Choice #1.
And Good Choice #2 must be that despite millions of years of existence, they're easily subdued by rednecks and Australians (rest in peace) who cover their eyes and stroke their bellies.
Good Choice #3 is obviously the stance he's striking in the sign. Nothing says "fierce mascot we can all get behind" better than a snotty, foppish gator posing akimbo like he's in a 40's pin-up magazine. Is that an elementary school student in your belly or are you just happy to see me, big boy?
But to be fair they could mean people named Gator in which case (I hope) they're referencing Burt Reynolds in White Lighting and the eponymous Gator. And except for the fact that both movies cement his legend as the least covert moonshiner of all time, and then he gets blackmailed because of it, then does it again... you know what, he's not really a good example either.
Screw this, gators make horrible decisions. Your children are going to grow up to either marry their sisters, or eat license plates and toddlers. In certain necks of the woods, both. I'd get them into a private school as soon as possible.
-Scott
Your tax dollars at work.
Gators make good choices! Eagles are awesome! I'm apparently working on the rough draft of a children's novel here. If I were, in that novel I might just have to ask, what kinds of good choices have gators historically made?The best way to find out is by cutting one open. Inside you'll find a license plate, most of a tire, and the missing eight-year-old boy who got him cut open in the first place. We'll collectively call that Good Choice #1.
And Good Choice #2 must be that despite millions of years of existence, they're easily subdued by rednecks and Australians (rest in peace) who cover their eyes and stroke their bellies.
Good Choice #3 is obviously the stance he's striking in the sign. Nothing says "fierce mascot we can all get behind" better than a snotty, foppish gator posing akimbo like he's in a 40's pin-up magazine. Is that an elementary school student in your belly or are you just happy to see me, big boy?
But to be fair they could mean people named Gator in which case (I hope) they're referencing Burt Reynolds in White Lighting and the eponymous Gator. And except for the fact that both movies cement his legend as the least covert moonshiner of all time, and then he gets blackmailed because of it, then does it again... you know what, he's not really a good example either.
Screw this, gators make horrible decisions. Your children are going to grow up to either marry their sisters, or eat license plates and toddlers. In certain necks of the woods, both. I'd get them into a private school as soon as possible.
-Scott
They also choose high yielding mutual funds instead of over-priced shoes made from the skin of their mother.
ReplyDeleteSteph, yeah that part completely slipped my mind. For shame. Thanks for catching that though.
ReplyDelete- Scott