I essentially decided that I could no longer stomach the idea of my 2.5+ hour round trip to work on the day it took me five and a half hours to get home amid snow, careening semi's, and a MacGyver'd route that involved a last minute dash to a ferry like some kind of wild-eyed, fleeing hobbit.
That day, I decided I would start looking at apartments. I did not realize that the snow storm that precipitated the decision would gradually give way to the shit-storm that is trying to find a decent apartment. Trying to find a decent apartment on Craigslist was essentially the same as trying to find a mentally healthy Oprah fan. And just as pleasant. After visiting a few apartments for rent from CL that looked like this online:
That day, I decided I would start looking at apartments. I did not realize that the snow storm that precipitated the decision would gradually give way to the shit-storm that is trying to find a decent apartment. Trying to find a decent apartment on Craigslist was essentially the same as trying to find a mentally healthy Oprah fan. And just as pleasant. After visiting a few apartments for rent from CL that looked like this online:
Grainy, but acceptable.
And looked like this* in person:
"Oh did we not mention there's no wall separating the bathroom from the living room? But it does come with some lovely random debris spread all over the apartment."
"Oh did we not mention there's no wall separating the bathroom from the living room? But it does come with some lovely random debris spread all over the apartment."
1.) Retirement Home/Hospice. Whisper Hollow probably falls into this category, but in general, I've noticed a formula to the Retirement Home naming convention. And it is as follows: lighting condition + scenic geographical feature. This is the only explanation for the litany of apartments I saw, and old folks homes I accidentally walked into.
Examples: Sunset Hills. Shady Acres. Dusky Bluff. Smoky Hummocks. Diffuse Plateau...
Ok, one or two of those I made up. But I defy you to tell me which ones. I've found that these tend to be the best quality overall in the apartment market.
2.) Trust Fund Kid. On the other hand you have the faux-ritzy place that blatantly price gouges, but somehow still attracts shady tenants. And invariably they're named like the kid who references the sailing club way too much, and wears deck shoes to the exclusion of all other footwear.
Examples: Camden Westchase. Bercham Tudor. Easton Glen... etc.
3.) The NOUN. This is the absolute bottom rung, and avoid it at all costs. I only ran into it a handful of times, but every time it was bad. So bad in fact, that those in the know can always be counted on for a wistful head shake and a "Ah, yeah... that sounds like The NOUN."
Examples: The Pavilion. The Colony. The Ghetto.
The Colony is a real one, and the name carries weight. Though I'd say it was more like a hive... a wretched hive of scum and villainy. I had to be cautious.
And that... is what kept me so busy for so long. But I've found my place in the STL-verse. And it's near work and bars. What more could you ask?
*Sorry for the terrible image quality. The photo was taken from my phone, which is not regarded highly in photography circles. Also, I am not Tim, and ergo do not carry around a real digital camera in my always-equipped leather fanny pack.
I think a high-quality real digital photo of that apartment would have taken away from the effect.
ReplyDeleteIt would have definitely taken away any misconceptions about the apartment being relatively cleanly. Or relatively not covered in suspicious black hairs. That's for sure.
ReplyDeleteAll right, here we are, this time I'm serious. 7 posts in as many days. I'm formally announcing my return to the blogosphere, for the second time. There's even talk of a 30 Day/30 Post challenge in the wind.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the fact that I'm using another blog's comment space does not bode well for the success of said blog.
Also, apartment hunting is horrible, but not nearly as crushing as looking for a house. Or the ensuing mortgage.
My house is covered in suspicious black hairs.
ReplyDeleteIt's because I live with two huge hairy dogs.
However, I have heard the same thing can happen if you live with Italians.
Your observations on residential complex names are well-spotted. The fact that the oft-referenced retirement home on "The Golden Girls" was Shady Pines fits in nicely with your model.
ReplyDeleteLook, my girlfriend watches a lot of "The Golden Girls," okay?
Also, I carry my camera in my Timbuk2 custom messenger bag like a true cityboy, thank you very much.
Josh, you're back? Alright then, hit three days/three posts and you're back on Mis Blogos Favoritos. And house hunting is going to be apartment hunting times 15 (years).
ReplyDeleteNessa, yeah. That's why Tony Danza was always so busy on "Who's the Boss."
Timmy, thanks for the bonus example. I do what I can. This one I wasn't aware of, though I've used the Golden Girls before. They're fertile comic soil.
Also, pfft. I designed a Timbuk2 bag a long time ago. Can you guess which three colors I used?
If you said "grey-orange-grey" you get Ender Points. If not, you're iced, neh?
- Scott
+1 for referencing Tim's Fanny Pack (even if he calls it a messenger bag. It is still blue jean, goes around his waist, and has glue residue from when he tried to Bedazzle it)
ReplyDelete