I don't know about you, but I've never felt more stoned than after a haircut. This isn't really saying anything because it's more or less been clinically proven that I can't get stoned. But I can imagine what it would be like and the afterglow of a haircut fits all the criteria.
- Lack of focus (started this post at 3:30... the next bullet was completed at 5:14).
- Content, sleepy feeling.
- Half-open eyes.
- Disjointed sense of time.
- Hungry (munchies).
Now I'll grant you that I go to a lady. I say I go to "a lady" because I'm very manly and it's just not appropriate to say I go to a "hairdresser," or even a "stylist." Bullshit. I go to a lady. And because of this I can't be sure that at a barbershop the entire experience isn't much more straightforward. But at His Excellency* I'm surrounded with beauty school graduates that have very strong opinions on everything... everything readily graspable by the core audience of the FOX network.
But like... dude... where was I going?
Oh yeah. I had questions. Are all hair ladies this way, or just the ones I've ran into? Furthermore, is there a manlier solution to having such glorious hairstyles? Finally, how is it that I'm above the influence against my will?
* This post brought to you by His Exellency: Where the Customer is King!**
** This slogan made up by Scott: which did not amuse the employee's thereof.
you need a flowbie.
ReplyDeleteMy wife has been cutting my hair ever since she graduated from cosmetology school.
Hey, free haircuts. Don't judge me.
JV, that idea sucks. *Insert pained expression here* But really, do Flowbees even exist anymore? I mean, I envision them existing on the island of forgotten Infomercial products.
ReplyDeleteYou know, hangin' with the Chia Pets, the Yaffa blocks, and probably most of the juicers Jack LaLanne ever sold (along with his jumpsuit).
Oh, and I obviously didn't mean your wife. If she passed the JV quality assurance tests, then she's clearly a cut above the rest. (See what I did there? With the haircutting and... ah nevermind).
I don't begrudge your free haircuts. Every man at some point has had the girlfriend haircut, and with a wife with a cosmetology degree, it's just bound to happen.
See if you can get her in a masseuse program though.
- Scott
Update! I just stumbled upon the Flowbee Factory Direct website. It's a testament to the quality of the product.
ReplyDeleteBehold:
The Flowbee website; a trip back to the 1995 internet.
It's just a damned shame they lack awesome animated GIF's. Some flames here and there, and a spinning letter to represent their email link would really kick things up a notch.
- Scott
Actually, the reason she quit is that she couldn't take working with other hairdressers, so you're fine.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend who used the flowbee on a regular basis. It actually works.
If you want to look like Demitri Martin. Or a gay beatle.
Hell, I got a mimed haircut in a scene last night and was still super relaxed.
ReplyDeleteJV, when do I NOT want to look like Demitri Martin? I mean, come on, I can spot trends from miles away. If I just looked like him enough I could replace the clod.
ReplyDeleteTT, see? Even imaginary haircuts are enough to induce psychoactive effects. It's the haircut-stoned equivalent of a contact high. Though I'm sure the miming tainted it a bit. It can't be helped.
Everyone else, I've had today's post finished for ages, I'm just having trouble with the photoshoppery. In any case, it'll be up later today.