And I thought I had privacy problems in Springfield... Today I was just minding my own business, sitting at my computer, clad only in boxers and one ripped sock. I was dressed like this because I was... you know what, it's not even worth explaining, suffice it to say my front door is dangerous and I was hot because I broke the handle off my radiator and was too lazy to find a wrench.
So sitting there in relative undress, wearing headphones I hear a beating sound. It mostly sounds like the wind, so I ignore it. There is also a demolition going on next door, so these kinds of sounds are fairly normal. But they were coming in bursts of three and starting to get fairly annoying. Had I not been playing a game and talking to people over Ventrillo (audio chat) I might have walked over to the window and told them my opinion on their intelligence, hygiene, and questioned the chastity of their mothers. As it was, I sat there in my red and white skull boxers and one sock.
All of a sudden a voice that was far too clear to be muffled by doors, windows or walls called out far too loudly, far to close to me, "Barr real-estate." As the three women rounded the corner, I pulled off my headphones and looked over at them. As they were reeling from the shockwaves of lust that were no-doubt washing over them I gave them the very non-chalant upward head nod, and said something charming. I believe it was "Just a second, I have to kill this orc."
I proceeded to kill the orc in what, I'm sure, they considered a very diciplined layering of flexible ad-hoc strategy. They proceeded to pine for me. I think they also toured my apartment, I couldn't be sure as I was running back to Lakeshire to try to escape some damned Kobolds that had aggro'd me.
I answered a few questions the girls asked about living here (allegedly they were on a leasing tour) and they lingered for perhaps five minutes before they reluctantly left, dragging their feet all the way.
I'm pretty sure the realty lady winked at me on the way out. And they say you'll never get laid playing World of Warcraft... pfft.
- Scott
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Just a minute ladies, I'm questing.
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Another laugh-out-loud-at-work-and-have-boss-send-leering-gaze-over-at-me-moment.
ReplyDeleteI...want...your...life.
In a somewhat related story, I was watching TV one morning about 8 years ago, completely fixated by Fred Flintstone and his gang, with nothing on but my bra and a pair of shorts, when some religious folks who had been knocking a good 5 minutes decided to peep in my window and get themselves an eyeful. It was classic hearing the woman exclaim, "Oh, my..." I mean, you had to actually walk over a bunch of rocks and push a huge bush over to even look in that window, so I had to give 'em some credit.
They apparently thought there was some serious sinning going on in that place to be so determined.
And clearly, there was.
ReplyDeleteKimmy, a little Single White Female of you, but I apprecaite the life comment. Not to mention the story. Those are some dedicated Jehovah's Witnesses. It occurs to me that this is probably the same way they witnessed Jehova. And I'm sure he reacted in the same way. "What the hell?"
ReplyDeleteJV, indeed.
- Scott
I have a bad habit of writing the first thing that pops into my wee little brain. I realize now that I come off most times looking like a flippin' idiot.
ReplyDeleteNevertheless, I've got plenty of other scary but true stories to share anytime you're interested.
Oh no, I appreciated it. I just take any opportunity to make a Single White Female reference. Ask around, it's borderline compulsive. Apparently no one else has seen this movie.
ReplyDelete- Scott
Scott, god help me I read the book instead. SWF. When I was like, 12. And sleeping in my family's car while we were on vacation camping in Maine. The reason i was sleeping in the car was because I was supposed to be sharing a tent with my little brother, and at that time he was still wetting the bed. I cannot describe how awful that is in a tent.
ReplyDeleteSo. I read the book, and then ran out of batteries for my flashlight. I'm alone, in a car, in a campground, at two in the morning, and the book had freaked me out like anything. I couldn't figure out how to turn the interior lights on in the car without opening the doors, and there was no fucking way I was opening the doors. I eventually fell asleep, to have horrible dreams about people eating children and dead hands creeping up the car windows.
Good times.
Thank God! I knew that someone had experienced the joy and horror that is SWF. I should have expected it though, what with you being my female doppelganger/clone/unaired X-Files episode and all.
ReplyDelete- Scott
If there's to be an episode of the X Files - I wanna be Mulder. He's got all the charisma.
ReplyDeleteI've seen that movie too. I didn't even know there WAS a book.
ReplyDelete