Employee Survey

Here at my work, we have a company wide newsletter. Once a month one special employee is interviewed and the results are published. And it looked like today was my lucky... uh... month. These are the answers exactly as I typed them. Enjoy my lazy excuse to say I posted twice this week. Also if you'd like to hope none of these offend someone who can fire me, you'd be in good company (mine).

1. Chicken: Grilled or Crispy?

This largely depends on how hot it is outside. I usually prefer grilled chicken when I’m hot, crispy when I’m cold.

2. If you could go on a cruise, where would you go?

I’d go to the Virgin Islands again. Also, what’s this “if” I could go on a cruise? Do you know something I don’t?

3. Do you snore?

No. I’ve been told I speak Spanish, curse, and sometimes yell in my sleep, but no one has ever told me I snore.

4. As a kid, were you a LEGO Builder?

I was more of a contractor. They never gave me LEGO employee status, but I was licensed to work with their product.

5. Do you chew on your straws?

Not unless it’s an actual piece of straw from a field, and I’m shirtless and barefoot wearing overalls. Other than that, no.

6. Do you sing in the shower?

Not as much (or as well) as in the car.

7. Have you ever bungee jumped?

Yes.

8. Have you ever eaten sushi?

Also yes.

9. How do you like your eggs?

Cooked by someone else.

10. Crunchy or Creamy Peanut Butter?

This depends on barometric pressure, the phase of the moon, and the stock market. But a good rule of thumb is: Crunchy for PB&J’s, Smooth for all other uses.

11. What is your favorite cartoon character?

Bender, of Futurama fame.

12. What is your *least* favorite color?

Fuchsia. Or possibly taupe. No definitely taupe. Just the sound of the name makes me want to punch somebody.

13. What food could you eat for two weeks straight?

Tuna salad. I don’t have it much, but I always eat it and think: I could probably eat this every day. Then I promptly don’t buy it for another month or so. Vicious cycle.

14. Have you ever licked a 9-volt batery?

Yes, once.

15. How many cars have you owned?

Two. Could we possibly rewrite this question as "how many noobs have you pwned?" Because I'd have funnier answers for that.

16. Are you right-handed or left-handed?

Right handed. Although I bowl left.

17. What country would you most like to visit?

Greece. It has the highest plastic-covered sofa per capita in the world and the most mispronounced ethnic food in the world. (The gyro.)

18. Cheerios or Corn Flakes?

Cheerios. It’s like an English person greeting me every time I take out the box.

19.What is on your PC Wallpaper?

A hi-res image of Earth taken from a satellite.

20. Do you believe in life on other planets?

Of course.

21. Finish this sentence - Isn't it weird that...

…rats are hunted but squirrels get a free ride. Don’t you see?! They’re slowly invading!

22. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Well, that’s very private. But I will say that I’ve been seeing an memory foam pillow lately and so far everything’s going well. We’ve got a date on Friday, actually. Maybe ask me again Monday.

23. Using the first letter of your first name:
- City
- Something you find in the bathroom
- Something you find in the sea

• Seattle
• Shampoo
• Seal Clubbers
  

24. What is your favorite carnival ride?

My favorite ride was always the Rocko Planes. You just don’t see them anymore, so I guess carnies have a better way of turning people upside down to shake out their change. A shame really… it was the only ride where you had a little bit of control.