G versus E (where E is economics)

Something's been bothering me lately. (Well, something besides the auto-spell-checker built into the latest release of Firefox.) What's been nagging at me is where the hell* Faustian bargains went? When is the last time you heard of someone selling their soul for earthly pleasure? It seemed like it used to happen all the time. Some peasant sells his soul for a farm and a wife and bam, some other clod drops dead and it's all his. Pretty sweet deal... for the devil. All he had to do was manipulate some germs to do in a day what nature would have done in a decade.

I sometimes wonder if the devil gave up on Faustian bargains because in modern times, what people want in return for their souls is just so outlandish that it's economically not feasible to make the trade. I mean, how much hassle is a soul worth? For instance, among the things that would have to be on the table for me to consider parting with my immortal soul would be the following:

• teleportation
• telekenisis
• telepathy
• anything that has "tele-" before it and implies a god-like power
• Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite
• A flawless memory ( i.e. Bean)
• Regeneration a-la Wolverine
• riches
• a Viper
  
• the ability to understand, read, speak, and (why not) fart, in all the languages of the world, etc.
  

I probably wouldn't actually go through with the Faustian Deal, but if all that** were possible and easily do-able, hell it might be something to look into. But I just don't think Old Scratch is up to it. And who can blame him. That's a shit-ton of work to do when back before television all he needed to do was conjure up a prize winnin' hieffer. Honestly, I wouldn't bother either. Feel free to mention how unreasonable you'd be in the comments.

- Scott

* Pun intended, grudgingly
** And I mean the good version of all that, none of this "becareful what you wish for/how you phrase the wish or you end up being turned into an actual wolverine instead of having the mutant power you wanted" bullshit