Saturday, December 23, 2006

Death and Destruction

Recently as I was lying comatose ("Comatose... coma-toes to-'er head" "Shut up!") I thought about all the things I wanted to do before I died. And all the things I hadn't done. But then, realizing how unrelentingly cliche this was, I thought of another better topic: all the thing I intend not to do before I die.

Now this list could be fairly obvious. For instance, most people wouldn't say they wanted to contract AIDS. Though, to be fair, for awhile I was very into RENT and I thought that I'd like nothing better than to be an artist with HIV dramatically living out my last days in an orgy of bohemian lifestyles. So there really aren't absolutes. But the thing I realized that I never want to do was different.

I had always considered climbing Mount Everest. Seems like a fun weekend. But it dawned on me that after all the people who died or were disfigured as a result of that mountain, climbing it successfully would be the worst thing I could do. Think about it. After that nothing I could do would be as impressive.

"Hey, I just finished Zelda in 12 hours!"
"So what, it's not like you climbed Everest again."

And if I died, the topic of discussion at my funeral wouldn't be directly centered on how great I was. It'd be all about how ironic it was that I could survive Everest but I just couldn't see that bus coming. Or about what a survivor I am, yet to be taken in such a strange way, by suffocation as a result of a large housecat settling over my nose and mouth as I slept, seems cruel and ironic.

So, essentially, I refuse to climb Everest as it would skew my legacy forever. Cross one off the list.

- Scott

published with much attention to detail by Scott @ 12/23/2006 12:32:00 PM

10 comments:

  1. Nessa Happens6:59 AM

    I promise you, you did not wake me. Sandy and I had been up puttering about with his new PS3 and loudly declaring, at intervals, that it was not as good as the xBox360. And just in case there was a chance we could get free stuff out of this endorsement, we were facing the windows and the telephone (for the NSA's sake).

    then I went upstairs and began reading a dusty tome of some variety or another, at which point the phone rang. but my bedside phone was non operational for reasons I have yet to determine. So I had to scamper through the house with tome in hand, wondering where I'd left my bathrobe. Your crime, therefore my ducklet, was only the exposure of a great deal of me to the cold night air of this, my great whopping mausoleum of a house.

    Forgiveness spreads.

    If either of us worked in an office, this would obviously have already taken place.
    http://community.livejournal.com/kittenfarts/167804.html

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  2. Nessa Happens7:00 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  3. Nessa Happens7:02 AM

    p.s. I have my suspicions that the reason my phone was non operational was because the NSA was listening desperately hard just in case I had anything further to say about the PS3.

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  4. Nessa Happens7:10 AM

    p.p.s. I'm still laughing over the manatee. it's been a half hour.

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  5. Jake11:29 AM

    So, yeah, sorry about being a terrible ally. You and I both know Hitler/Nick was a more efficient ruler anyway, history will vindicate my inaction.

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  6. Johnny Virgil6:19 PM

    you didn't really die, right?

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  7. Nessa Happens6:03 AM

    JV - he did. The topic of conversation at his funeral directly centered on how great he was.

    Mission accomplished.

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  8. Scott3:23 PM

    Sory JV. Still alive and kicking. Though right now I wish that weren't true. God damn it, I had a great post written. Then... poof. Lost it all. I'm currently trying to bring myself back into a state where I'm willing to attempt to reproduce it.

    Might take me until tomorrow. I'm seriously anguished over it.


    - Scott

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  9. Johnny Virgil4:04 PM

    you don't edit IN BLOGGER, do you? I made that mistake once.

    OK, twice.

    but the second time I lost everything I learned my lesson.

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  10. Scott5:09 PM

    No, I always cut and paste the HTML into a notepad file which I obsessively save. Unfortunately I was still in the composition phase, which stupidly, I still do in blogger. My computer has had a random shutdown lately and that's what happened. Shame really. But I think I'll start composing my posts in Notepad with HTML tags for bold, italics, etc.

    I've learned my lesson.

    - Scott

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