Monday, November 16, 2009

The Dude abides.

Jesus, Scott, what the hell are you doing with your life?

Livin' hard! If, by livin' hard, you mean investing money in things, learning to cook, and getting my previously luck-based finances into some kind of order resembling an intentional state. Also, being a cad-amongst the gadabout crowd. These are the voyages of Scott.

Also, weren't you previously distracted? What happened there?

Distractions come and go. And overlap. And interact. Honestly I'm not so sure that I'm not now distracted from whatever it was I was doing. But in any case, I find myself with free time and thoughts more complex than I can express in 140 characters (looking at you Twitter). Prime bloggin' territory.

Borrrring! Tell me a story! Now!

OK you bastards. Here's your story:

Recently I hid a device in our good friend Rob's house. This particular device, the likes of which I've included below, emits a series of sinister sounds at a random interval. Things like: creepy child laughter, tapping, death rattles, "hey, can you hear me?", and sinister creaking.

The devilish device. Oh, and it's magnetic.

I hid this in their guest bathroom, where nonetheless his wife tends to be. It is also somewhat central to the house. Terror-lairty ensued. For two days she heard, intermittently, these ominous sounds. She, and she alone, seemed to be the only one afflicted. Naturally I was a suspect, but since it "started" after I left I was able to deflect suspicion.

Since I'd told Rob about it ahead of time, he was able to "not hear any of this." Things built until she called me, outright hostile, while I pointed out all the ways in which she was crazy. No one else heard this? It's... talking to you? And it started after I left? ...And this is my fault how? I think you may be batshit insane.

It finally came down to Ro forcing Rob to eat his dinner IN the bathroom until he acknowledged the sounds and helped her look for it (I never told him where it was.) After completely dismantling their bathroom, Ro accidentally found it while standing on the toilet. I had used the magnet to hide it in the light fixture.

Of the things she called me at that point, I'm able/willing to print only: motherfucker!


  1. Hahahahahahaha

    Sorry, that's the best I could come up with this morning. It's early.

  2. I'm Vanessa Lykke Mulheren, and I approve of this tomfoolery.

  3. H, no worries. this post wasn't aces. Just a start.

    Nessa, et al.

    It was more in the vein of skullduggery. But you're the one with an animated .gif expounding on your multiple personalities, so I'll go with your interpretation.

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